Shutdown _Doom_Loop

Much to the disappointment of DJ’s everywhere, it is no longer Rocktober.

Not the Onion

I started following the people with friends tab. It’s different.

Jolly kid disguised as a witch gleefully receiving a pack of Marlboro red

Full bars are for quitters
Full packs are for closers

Horses did neigh, and dying men did groan,
And ghosts did shriek and squeal about the streets.

Toilets by Uday

Thanks!

The Onion: ICE Agent, 7-Year-Old Both Wearing Same ‘Military Commando’ Halloween Costume October 31, 2025

oh my god

Thanks. I’m sure it will all be over soon. *scream laughing*

One month of shutdown survived. Next month of shutdown planned for. This year has been so awful for feds. The federal workforce is going to be damaged for a generation. Who is in college thinking “I want to go into government.” Nobody.

Stop spending $6 once a week does not sound like real financial advice

I must have been stripped of my titles. Nobody calls me the King.

I believe Hans Morgenthau coined the term “super duper.”

Mr. Trump said he and Mr. Xi would speak about Nvidia’s Blackwell chip, which he called “super duper.”

I told my coworkers I am years into planning an Ocean’s 11 style heist of a White Castle distribution center. TMI apparently.

Exclusive: Three-star general pushed out amid tensions with Hegseth

Pentagon readying thousands of Guard ‘reaction forces’ as U.S. mission widens
Up to 23,500 service members are being readied and trained for civil unrest missions in U.S. cities.

One of my middle-aged female colleagues commented yesterday that Kristi Noem is “so pretty and well spoken.”

Too many Americans either didn’t care or didn’t believe. Hopefully they do now.👇

America right now is an airplane that the crew is actively trying to dismantle mid-flight while at least half the passengers are sitting bare-knuckled just hoping we somehow eke out a survivable landing. (The other half are, inexplicably, rooting for the dismantling.)

New: Two federal prosecutors have been placed on leave at the direction of the White House after they filed a sentencing memo describing a defendant as having been part of “a mob of rioters” who “attacked the U.S. Capitol.”

The triumph of bullshit Internet conspiracy theories are now official government policy.

New in PN: The triumph of bullshit

"We’re a long way from 'covfefe' and tumescent hurricanes Sharpied on a weather map. This is an era of lies as policy, where government priorities are based on right-wing conspiracy theories and fear-mongering."

CNN reporting the news you can use

Where does your meat come from? For some ‘ethical carnivores,’ it’s roadkill

Sandy Koufax is coming out of the crowd to pitch the 16th

i don't understand why they're called the toronto blue jays and not the toronto baseballs. i'll never understand it. same with the dodgers, they should be called the baseballs too. more people should be like me and speak out when they see that something is wrong

The Barbra Streisand impersonator scheduled for next week has been murdered by Barbra Streisand. Refunds available at the box office.