Graham Guest

Fizzywatergate

It's declined my offer to take it out to dinner, so I suspect there's something in what you say.

I didn't recognise the figures on my Council Tax bill.

Could you check the middle aisle for septic tanks, please?

Rent-an-Eel seems to me to be a sound business proposition.

I could manage a fiver.

allittlement, n.
A small allotment.

And I bet those claws made a mess of the furniture.

"You said you liked my style, Mr Grimshaw, so now let me see you climb over it."

Good for you. Sleep well!

😂

And then trying to put them back where you found them.

YouTube video by Shirley Tung Blackadder Johnson's Dictionary

Quite right too.

That you were able to find a small shop that sells crap means things are not all bad.

"I left your bowl of cat food behind the fridge, now go and eat it like a good boy."

I read that as Harrods, and thought their batteries would be a bit pricey.

Same with mirrors that make you look old.

😱

You're a woman of exquisite taste.

My face is not hirsute but bare
And I don't think that's terribly fair
For those with a beard
Are quite often feared
Especially my girlfriend called Claire

Just don't go outside.

It just makes us extra special and like being members of an exclusive club. 🥂

Roger Ebert Hates This 32-Year-Old Thriller Remake (& It Makes Perfect Sense) Hollywood is infamous for remaking classic foreign films, but this one was particularly disappointing, especially in Roger Ebert's opinion.

Sluizer himself did a Hollywood remake. I don't remember watching it, but if I did I've wiped it from my memory. Wondering why he would do such a thing, I thought of a line from the Goons, which I paraphrase: "They forced me to do it by putting money in me hand."
www.cbr.com/roger-ebert-...

I saw it when it was released and still haven't recovered from the ending!

Like signs on the London underground saying "Dogs must be carried up the escalator." Sometimes I spend ages looking for a dog.

An aide-mémoire:

Leaving clothes lying out in the sun
My new girlfriend lay near me with none
Last week we had lain
In a shower of rain
Getting laid wet was really quite fun

"No, Gerald, I told you I loved M&S, not S&M. Now put that cane away."

Yummy!

You have interested me. PDF downloaded. Thank you.

A large number of people are unable to spell the first name of the Prime Minister, even though it has just fuor letters.