no longer a flip phone haver rip

i just accidentally swallowed an edamame like a pill

thinking about the vegan “salad” i was given at a wedding in place of the butter-having squash soup that was literally a plate of romaine with olive oil and a sprinkle of salt

i love okra for being weird and slimey and poppy why arent more veggies like alien food

broke: eating pussy freestyle
woke: writing the alphabet with your tongue
bespoke:

finished my taxes! i only cried 3 times and only hit my desk out of frustration scaring the dog once!

I love these stickers cause it's like, when? When he was loudly transphobic and anti-union and a white supremacist his entire public life but didn't have a government position?

RFK really missed the simplest lesson of LBJ’s career, try not to get any kids killed if your name rhymes with “how many kids did you kill today”

this boy loafing

I know I’m not a fancy political strategist but I’ve just got this slight feeling that “look at what hypocrites Republicans are on trade policy” might not be as effective a message to the average voter as “your kids might die because Donald Trump thinks it’s okay to feed cows chicken shit”

just girly things

i;ve got al ot gooin g on right now

super bowl ad

not even kidding about this, do a super bowl ad about how Elon has your social security number and can shut off your grandma's check at any time

@sissysmores.bsky.social sister ! greetings !

god i fucking love pesto

“nobody saw this coming” = “we considered everyone who saw this coming a nobody”

Hot take here but sometimes I wish the horrors weren’t so persistent

omg yes i forgot about those little games

Got rid of all my irrational anxieties by replacing them with accurate fears

i forgot i had this app i havent used it since i got an iphone

they should make more movies with aubrey plaza in

I want cheese I hate covid

I can watch the trains go by from my bed if the window is open

Intend your puns, you cowards.

I wanna die again

I want more pasta salad but I can't get a third bowl that'd be jus t

pasta salad is the cure to heartache

my lungs hurt from running earlier and now they hurt even more bc I took too big of a hit of my stupid pen

watching the most recent podwatcher that I had not watched yet on 2x the speed so I will have "caught up" and coping about the goodbye YouTube video