katie

i’m not sad that he died, but i do have this controversial opinion that it’s bad when someone gets murdered. and also that i don’t want to watch videos of people dying in horrifying ways

men these days need to spend less time painting their nails and more time harassing women online

American Nice-er 🙂

i try not to get involved in such controversial topics

what’s going on with my “balls” and, in some cases, my “penis”

if i were an egg man, the last thing i would wanna do is sit on a wall

this is who shows up if you post something satirical on bluesky

no, i already knew that

the guy who works at at 7/11 said to me “i love quagmire’s house. i like the way he arranged things. that guy is such a pimp”

got drunk one night and ordered these card sleeves. i liked them because they confused me. is the turtle “daring to dream big” because it’s eating a taco? idk. i don’t get it. i don’t like them now that i’m not drunk

a nerd exploded

no it’s not funny enough to be a bit and i try my best not to do bits that are bad

bc he lied to me and told me my prescriptions were covered to get me to sign up for the plan but turns out it covers nothing at all i couldn’t even get antibiotics when i was sick and then he kept hanging up on me every time i asked him if he could change the plan

insurance guy blocked my number because i told him he follows a shameful path, one which wounds humanity and should he not atone for his actions he will eventually find himself tormented by the realization that his character is laden with dishonor

jordan says i’m allowed to break up with him and date the person who does the thing we all want someone to do

i tried to show jordan a gymnastics move that i hadn’t done in 6 years and i slammed my face into the ground

it’s genuinely astonishing the way he can’t do a single thing right. i’m not even exaggerating it’s actually unbelievable

apparently i am “a danger to myself or others” because i said i want to kill myself and also other people

a wise man once said to me, “you have great promise, but you lack discipline. a fight without purpose can never lead to victory” so i punched him for no reason and guess what i fucking won

start with watching the new series not the original, you could start from the beginning of there

it’s a great show you should watch it. it just gets a bad rap because it’s been ruined by horny tumblr nerds

“i am become meme”
ok… he’s officially a freaking genius.

i don’t expect many people will get that joke. it’s a reference to a scientist named Openhimer

no milf in my area should ever have to feel lonely

every year i stop 5 potential mass shootings from happening by having sex with guys that are weird

you see her at the local cafe, she jumps out of a ball and starts attacking a dog. how do you open?

so many gorgeous women wanting to talk to me. they all are inviting me to watch them sex cameras and nude videos. this is because they are drawn to my traditional masculine values and strength. liberal men will never have this. because everyone is becoming girls now

idk i’ve only been on twitter for 3 days but that’s wild