Erik J. Pearson

Who the hell told Trump about Amelia Earhart?

If the rapture wasn’t real, than someone tell me where my wife, her suitcase, and her car went. Checkmate, atheists.

Jimmy Fallon gonna offer Don Jr a co-hosting gig.

Drinking more coffee until this headache goes away or I evolve to my next form.

lol and he’s trying to get that $100 billion payout before it’s all gone.

lol as if we’re gonna have a real election ever again

*looking down at my Dockers and Wallabees*

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.

Make Aviation Safe Again

I really feel like last night’s executive orders should be on every front page but idk, I’ve been out of news for awhile now. Maybe things have changed.

A sure fire end to any European pervert.

Just sitting here, making spaghetti, and thinking about how the Muppet History IG acct had to go dark bc he was getting aggressively horny in people’s DMs.

Nothing good lasts.

I’m just out here throwing any mix of frozen fruit in my ninja and every smoothie tastes delicious but also the same.

Wut

I have no doubt Donald is familiar with the art of financial smoothing.

The message of Snoop and Brady’s ad is really just “be nice to Trumpers.” Moving forward, MAGA oriented prejudice will be the only recognized discrimination.

Sliding into my DMs on LinkedIn might be the dumbest sales tactic imaginable. Do you understand that I don’t want to be here? I don’t want to talk business for fun. I’m not even someone that can help you, *checks notes* SalesForce Ninja.

The least surprising surprise

*me staring out the window on a rainy day*

“But…why does anyone care what Ross Douthat thinks about anything?”

This fuckin guy.

Bc the issue with Trump is his brashness. Like LBJ.

Yes, this definitely speaks to the scale of his depravity and malice.

Reactivated IG to find that I follow POTUS, which I thought perhaps I already had. I sure AF didn’t choose to follow Melania tho. Wtaf, Zuck?

No thanks, I’ll walk!

The US is repeatedly slamming its dick in the car door, insisting it is becoming more powerful than you can possibly imagine even as it bleeds out and starts to pass out

It seems to be preferable to a nursing home.

In his defense, they weren’t all that serious about their jobs anyway.

We live in a reality where a criminal ran for president to stop investigations into himself and a billionaire weirdo got a made up gov role so he could shut down the agencies that were investigating his business. Congress seems unwilling to do anything about it. Awesome.

The genocide Joe folks self-owned on a truly cosmic level that any person with two brain cells could’ve anticipated.

You know that fat bastard isn’t doing anything. Just letting Musk do all the dirty work while he fuses with the Oval Office furniture.

Removing “end” and adding an exclamation. “Racism!!!”