woke high-ping mind goblin

i love Breaking Bad because the pleasure of knowing you're actively becoming a worse person is too perverse to resist

this semester feels like a prolonged crashout on my part, which in all honesty is more like a slow slide into insanity

autistic person is an allo to autistic person

"actual history" is the exact same cope of a feeble-minded anthropologist

the worst kinds of history are unfortunately dogmatic hermeneutics (pejorative)

my hot take is that I think there are more "annoying" historians than there actually are "annoying" philosophers

"ABABABABA SHUT UP YOU'RE NOT HELPING THE CAUSE" better to know your fragility and know what void feels like than to say it isn't there

sometimes you wanna see if someone righteous is extremely fucking wrong, not because you even disagree with them, but because you do want to see what it'd look like to spontaneously collapse

perversely curious as to what a society without hope would look like, if even possible

"oh not everyone is like X" ngl I might be lower than a junior scholar right now, but I will keep ringing the bell

I think it's bad that one of my professors, for all their intelligence, is out of touch

owing to sniveling cowardice I'd like for my main to not be blocked by some (other) moots

as in: the charitable points are good. presentation? just awful stuff everywhere

it's the "cruelty relative to AI" discourse for me

now imagine both these points being argued in the manner of Turkish mud wrestling

there are two wolves inside you

one clowns on the idea of treating cruelty as being inapplicable to technology

one clowns on the idea that cruelty doesn't also reflect psychical damage on someone leveling cruelty

I feel more and more stupid in the things I know when I infer like a tool

i could rationalize it as "look at who you've become" but i feel like there's nothing here now but void. i'm not consumed by responsibility, my goals are eating themselves alive and burning like roman candles

call it a castration of the heart. how am i supposed to get down the mountain and sing when my voice is hoarse and decrepit. i haven't tried a passion in years, a true passion, and now i'm just staring at ghosts of unfinished works

how can nothing matter yet i still feel like i have a piece missing

destroying your self-esteem any%

crashout crashout crashout. i'm really finding myself this weekend huh, really at 109%

we are broken people fighting the dumbest fucking war and every move i make is like. i wish you were a different person. i wish EVERYONE was a different person.

every attempt to explain yourself digs you deeper into a hole only deus ex machina can save you from. my god i need a new fucking alt at this rate

friend in the same way you know "that guy" who's genuinely racist except instead of racism it's "you're fucking stupid" but you try to bracket it off because they genuinely inspired you at some point in the past

a truly toxic relationship: someone you've liked as a friend for years hates when you open your mouth on certain topics, you know you're being baited by em, yet you dance the same dance and come out shattered for your troubles

no muses, only mute angels

welp tried to be a better person and now I feel even more disenchanted

I feel dead and sick of myself

it is sadgirl lamentation hour