If the concept of “shareholder value” didn’t exist, I think I could be better than any CEO in the gaming industry. And not just because I would pay myself less than any of the engineering and design leads.

Can we retire the term “Third World Country”? Not only is it borderline bigoted, it hasn’t even been relevant since the end of the Cold War.

My toxic trait is when I see someone waiting on my parking space despite there being dozens of open parking spaces elsewhere in the lot, I suddenly start moving in slow motion.

I guess I gotta start burning American flags now. Anyone got a source on American flags that aren’t bad for the environment when you burn them? I feel like most American flags are made of cancer and hatred these days and our air quality doesn’t deserve that.

I miss having hope for the future of the USA.

Can’t wait to have hope for the future of the RSA (remaining states of America). I hope my Midwest family makes it out.

YouTube video by CNN The viral video that set a city on fire

What radicalized you? 34 years, zero progress.

youtu.be/1zLA2gzQQ0g?...

I think we should deport the biggest gang in the US. Deport the LAPD!

How does one find a part time job in 2025? What is the equivalent of the jobs pages in the newspaper?

Someone should use AI to make the guy in the iPhone commercial look like he has calves.

Why are our houses still wired for AC with inverters at every electronic instead of just having a single DC inverter for the whole house?

I didn’t. I tried to get one but the online reservation system told me my appointment type wasn’t eligible for one. Not sure why, because it definitely was.

I don’t understand how the DMV is so slow, but I assume it has to be due to customers not doing the shit they need to do before they show up. My total time interacting with humans was less than 5 min. Total time just existing there? 5.5 hours.

I think my Reddit account got suspended for defending the right to due process, in case you’re curious how things are going.

Does anyone make an office chair with room for my cat?

I feel like the only question we should be asking Republican voters at this point is “Are you white supremacy stupid or just regular stupid?”

WTF, hello fresh?!?

Capitalism is a form of mental illness

For the first time in like 15 years I’m getting a tax refund. What do you think the odds are I won’t end up getting because of fElon and his doggy fetish?

If we don’t keep em stupid, they won’t keep voting Republican.

Waiting for my takeout at this restaurant and “Another Day in Paradise” by Phil Collin’s starts playing. But it’s a dance remix. I’ve never been so confused.

What is the greatest album of all time and why is it Rumours by Fleetwood Mac?

Most of my life the super power I was most interested in was the ability to read minds.

But now I’m in my 40’s. I’ve realized that most people’s thoughts probably aren’t worth reading.

Now the only super power I want is the ability to eat as much bread as I want without gaining weight.

The only time I ever feel fat is when I put on a pair of clean jeans the first time.

Pro tip: if you see incorrect information in Apple Maps, you can file a report with Apple.

Guess the ball is in Mapquest’s court now?

If you’re still using Google Maps, maybe it’s time to delete it.

5 Calls Newsletter The 5 Calls Newsletter breaks down what your representatives are voting on and what you can do to influence them. From your friends at 5 Calls

I am doing the 5 calls thing now because I don’t know what else to do.
buttondown.com/5calls

That’s how you take my brain out

New permanent artwork on my body

Success. Fairly sturdy as well.