Lex Luthor

// okay. Having breakfast and coffee. Hopefully that will make me more coherent and make brain go woo woo

“What other people rich, handsome, and intelligent man do you speak of? I fit the bill in all categories.”

“At one point did I claim you were not death? I simply stated you were one of many. Perhaps death should get their ears cleaned. And while they’re at it, you can get the whole situation with your entire appearance fixed.”

// grammatical error NOOOOO

this is what happens when I write when I just woke up

sighs

“Oh look. It’s one of the many entities who claims their death.”

“Ah, the Grinch. I love that man.

…never saw the end of the story though.”

“A man with no powers who made his own power suit. I can respect that.”

“You know. I actually like Mecha Man.”

“I believe I proved in court that it was a doppelgänger. Tends to happen when the smartest man in the world lives in a world where many try to take advantage.”

he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a business card. Raised lettering. It has a subtle off white colouring and a watermark

“Here. It even has my personal signature on it. Keep it on your desk at SDN.”

Oh I’m simply an innocent businessman, Mr. Robertson. One who has nothing but the best interest of mankind.

“You’re an odd fellow. But I appreciate the love. Truly.”

// Man I really should stop making jokes that parallel the other guy. But sometimes things are just so ridiculous I gotta do something

“I have just won the first ever Lex Peace Prize. Thank you, LexCorp.”

// whenever I hit writers block I tempt fair mid reply and just have my character say “penis pasta” for no reason. And one of these days I’m gonna do that and accidentally hit send

“The Superhero Dispatch Network is certainly something LexCorp has its eyes on.

After all, LexCorp cares about your safety.”

On a related note, I do not know this man

You also work cheap and are insane enough that even if you did say that Lex Luthor hired you, no one would believe you

// wait. Does the pause glitch even still work on modern ports? Because if it does, bless them. It’s one of the few ways to get past the Yellow Devil while keeping one’s sanity in tact

// And this is why god gave us the pause glitch.

I mean no I would never use the pause glitch I’m a pro gamer

// Probably got that quote wrong but you get the idea

// “If it wasn’t for you I could have saved the world!”

“If it truly mattered to you Lex, you would have saved the world a long time ago”

// Lex is a genius and would be an amazing hero if it wasn’t for his massive superiority complex.

// Lex is a submissive brat? Yeah, maybe in Smallville fanfictions

Lex canonically is anything but submissive.

Not intentionally being sexual here but he hate being below folks and always sees himself as on top.

And if he ever acts submissive? He’s playing you.

“It’s funny. One parent was Jewish. One parent was Catholic. I made a deal with a demon at the cost of a soul. I had a near death experience that led me to meet Death herself.

And yet…I’m an Atheist.”

“I once made a deal with a devil. But unlike a certain New Yorker, it has never come back to bite me in the ass. Because I know how to haggle.

…it also helps this devil was defeated so any potential negative consequences of the deal are…on hold?

Hell’s politics are complicated.”

“I may be a douchebag but”

// at least /I’m/ not a douchebag. At least I try not to be

// also no. This post isn’t canon. Lex would not say douchebag or imply he is one

“It’s amazing how easily people can be rattled. It’s so predictable”

“Bald joke. If I could take a tally, I would. But not even that freak in Gotham with the scars would have enough room.”

“Well my next guess was someone saying they had relations with my mother. But I suppose offspring would have been a good guess.”