Josefine Weemsicle

I might not be much but I am all I think about.

There's nothing sexier than a grown man pointing out that he's an adult.

Alkaline water is horseshit.

You're welcome.

Sometimes rock bottom is your trampoline.

Me: You should get rabbits.

Mom: They turn mean.

Me: Get a girl rabbit.

Mom: It'll get lonely.

Me: Get two girl rabbits.

Mom: I don't want to watch them scissoring all day.

There was a young lady named Sally

who enjoyed the occasional dally.

She sat on the lap of a well-endowed chap,

and cried, "Sir! You're right up my alley!"

• @javier_jaen

If you're a real cop, you have to tell me you love me.

Un-fuckin-believable.

Watching Se7en because I deserve to have a relaxing evening at Gwyneth Paltrow's expense.

Get away from me, you bitch.

Werd.

I miss iPod shuffles.
There. I said it.

• @wordclown Someone on his comms team should’ve wheeled that one back before posting.

Reverse cowgirl so we can both watch the waffle party episode.

🫰🏼

I am so much more than the behavior I portray online. Not better, just more.

💋🤌🏼

Sacrilegious Sunday.

America's president, folks.

Finger Friday. • @pulpbrother

Nikos Kazantzakis // "Once, I saw a bee drown in honey, and I understood."