Samantha Young

Happy 3 pm to all the toddler parents who have been held hostage by a tiny emotional terrorist since the wee hours of morning (me)

I wish I could wear this as a flashing neon sign on my forehead today

Finally realized why I enjoy watching basketball but can’t stand football or baseball. It all comes down to crowd proximity and ball size. Big orange ball = fun AND visible. Also, no giant outdoor stadiums.

But mostly it’s about big orange ball go bounce.

Last night I watched two Architectural Digest videos about a house built over a pond and a house built around a 12,000-year-old boulder and I cried both times. Yes I have a 4th house stellium why do you ask

If you think the Lion’s Gate portal is real, I highly suggest studying some basic tenets of electional astrology so you can understand why a calendar date is not always the best indicator of a “great time to manifest”

🫳🏻 Here is your permission slip to get rid of that toy your child has, the one that makes that fucking sound you can’t stand.

I swear to god I drive this car every day but when the oil change technician asks me to turn on my lights and blinkers I turn into someone who’s never operated a vehicle before

Was feeling stressed about having to potentially spend my whole paycheck on my car this week but then I remembered this week I’ve made almost the same amount from my business as I make from my job. And that’s pretty cool for someone who used to severely avoid anything that costs more than $30

My followers should be more appreciative of how much I’m not unleashing my Rhea Ripley on you. Just know it is bad. I haven’t felt parasocial feelings like this for a woman since [REDACTED]

Annoyed to announce that eating vegetables and taking magnesium is making me feel better about having a body

I’m just a humble Capricorn but the devil could get it

Grocery stores need a Dewey decimal system istg

Every peek into another person’s inner world confirms for me just how little other people’s actions are ever about anything other than themselves (positive)

Autism is fucking embarrassing. It’s not cute. I almost cried in the grocery store the other day because things are never in the places that make logical sense and I was very close to melting down when sliced lunch meat was not in the meat section nor in the deli section. Thank god for delivery.

*does this task for you from afar* I love filling pill boxes lol

“A rising tide raises all ships” - Jupiter in Cancer

Autistic4autistic relationships are just both of you taking turns verbally stimming while the other one nods deeply in understanding

While stretching my left hip this morning, I said “you have a lot to say today,” and in response I heard “thank god you’re finally listening.”

Called out lmao

It’s raining in August so you know I’m playing the entirety of the Twilight soundtrack in the coffee shop today

Yay!! So excited to have you 🥰

Also love scheduling emails to go out while I’m asleep 😂

I love electing an exact time for emails to be sent. I love being an astrologer with an internet connection.

I don’t want to have any more kids, I also don’t want to go through menopause yet, I don’t want to get on birth control but I also don’t want periods anymore. Guess I’ll suffer

I am once again tempted to ask them if I can use their loud ass nail guns to give myself a lobotomy

Me: Ah yes I’m so grateful to be moving away from this apartment complex where there’s constant construction and noise outside my window and into a quiet neighborhood

My new Nextdoor neighbor: what if I started construction on my house?

You’re so afraid of being labeled as cishet whites when you can actually just be that *and* not be racist or ignorant. It’s actually totally allowed. I checked.

“Non-practicing” white people and “I love all women & one man” bisexuals need a swift kick in the metaphorical ass

Nobody warned me that learning to respond to my body’s hunger cues would be like feeding a stray cat. Now I’m hungry all the fucking time

I know my messaging is getting clearer and more resonant because I’m getting more unsubscribes AND more replies from my mailing list than ever before.

(heating up the dab rig) I’m Doug Dabbsdale, owner of the Dabbsdale Dabbadome