𓍊𓋼𓍊 Eloise 𓍊𓋼𓍊

I’m getting married tomorrow 🥰

Losing the length has made my curls come to LIFE

Had 7 inches cut off my hair today, feel like a different person 💃

a wet t-shirt contest but with hot dog water so the contestants look AND smell sexy

Got a proper big girl haircut booked and I’m scared about the hairdresser judging me for my cooked ends and bodged home cut fringe

Extended our honeymoon which is exciting but what if our dog forgets who we are

Thank you!! 💕

Comparing old photos to see how far I’ve come with my weight gain, got my life, health, confidence, and fertility back 🫶

home workouts with no gym equipment has me bench pressing candelabra on the coffee table

hot dogs were invented in 1936 by Larry Hotdogs when he accidentally dropped a bag of prize-winning pig assholes in his Dick Shaper Machine

Dear Pets At Home, please stop sending me mail saying “treat Sprocket to something nice”, surely cancelling his repeat order should have been hint enough that Sprocket is in fact dead

Pub garden weather innit 🍻

I fear I’m also extremely flammable right now

The only way to stop myself being covered in mosquito bites is to cover myself in so much deet that I become a genuine biohazard

I had a good hen do but now I’m going to sit in front of the mirror and practice soft smiles

Exactly 1 month left with my last name, girl I’ll miss you it’s been neat 🫶

Sounds like Noah’s stag do was a wild one

Our friends are fostering kittens!!!

Nearly one month since I quit smoking cold turkey!!! Does anyone know how much longer until i stop being a miserable bastard??

Rose scented zoflora??? Finally my house can smell like me

Ahhh bless you thank you!!!

I quit smoking and started drinking green tea why am I still ugly

Shoutout to the middle aged guy who tried hitting on me at the self checkouts when I was buying incontinence pads in preparation for an abortion on Monday

🌿🧚‍♀️🌱

Gardening is fun until you get a bit too into it and now I’m stressed because a primula is wilting and I’m being fucking hate crimed by slugs

my hobbies are collecting bones and posting on instagram

My veil has arrived and we’re going to look at wedding rings today💕

It’s so scary, years of progress revoked in an afternoon

Trans women are women and anyone with at least half a brain cell knows that

Respecting nature is getting real hard when some of these slugs are taking the piss out of me and my petunias