lanyardigan

Trite about now
The bunk soul brother

Ordering a burrito “Estupido Style” and refusing to elaborate

queen shit, rest in peace

The Nazis sent a lawyer to Arkansas in the 1930s to study Jim Crow laws and our legal basis for segregation and the genocide of Native Americans. He took this knowledge back to Germany as inspiration for the Nuremberg Laws. His name was Heinrich Krieger and you’re all free to google it.

i know you're upset about being banned but you very clearly posted. our terms of service don't allow that sort of thing.

I turned off notifications for replies from people I don’t follow. I highly recommend it, as a bulwark against madness. Good night

The “hmm I’m not faving that but I wish you well” to ”hell yes I’m faving that shit“ spectrum

Once the night lotion has been applied, the face is sealed. No new business. For the face

If Salieri tried any of that shit with me, I would have kicked his ass

My life coach burned his dick on a hot pocket

we don’t know what the cuke did

you know when you’re waiting so long for the bathroom that you’re like you know what, whatever happened in there is not worth peeing in

servers are down, post your most morally reprehensible thoughts

"Harrumph" doesn't sound anything like clearing one's throat. We need to go back to the drawing board on that one

😌

Once, I was driving up the road in a truck with a manual transmission & when I tried to shift gears the round shifter handle came off in my hand mid-shift & my hand floated up towards the ceiling with the handle still in it & we fell as in a dream into the sky into the sea.

become unsummarizable

Good lord!!! Praying for these families

moth man: hi

me: hello moth man

moth man: you can just call me moth if you want to

me: i won’t be doing that moth man

it rocks that we gave them all the money

yeag

The Costco platinum membership lets you drive around the store in a forklift

Mayanin R. Aug 11, 2025 Elote Pint Cuando probé tu ice cream de elote, no solo sentí un sabor... sentí un abrazo de mi tierra. Fue como volver a las tardes soleadas de mi infancia, cuando el olor a elote tierno llenaba la cocina y la vida parecía más sencilla. En mis 25 años viviendo en Estados Unidos, nunca había encontrado un helado que hablara tan claro el idioma de mis recuerdos. Lo tuyo no es solo un postre, es un puente que nos conecta con lo que somos, con quienes fuimos, y con lo que nunca queremos olvidar. Gracias por regalarnos un sabor auténtico, único e incomparable. ¡Tu trabajo no solo es excelente... es un regalo para el alma. Es México en una cucharada! ❤️ Translation: When I tried your elote ice cream, I didn't only taste a flavor ... I felt the embrace of my land. It was like returning to the sun-drenched afternoons of my childhood, when the scent of tender corn would fill the kitchen, and life seemed simpler. In my 25 years living in the US, I have never found an ice cream that spoke so clearly the language of my memories. Your ice cream is not just a dessert, it's a bridge that connects us to what we are, to who we were, and to what we want to never forget. Thank you for giving us a flavor authentic, unique, and incomparable. Your work is not just excellent, it's a gift for the soul. It's Mexico in a spoon!

Beautiful product review 🥲

(Translation in alt text)

it’s that time of year again for this thread of Spirit Halloween costumes (to be updated… perhaps I HAVE SPOKEN)

Walking around town in just a towel. People are stopping to shake my hand and wish me well

We’re getting rid of leaf blowers by eating 50 leaves a day each. Get out there

People get bent out of shape when they see the Giant Ear hovering around town. They get even more freaked out when I crawl out of it to stock up on groceries or see a movie. I wish they’d understand it’s the only way I have of getting around. You can’t even hear anything inside it for Pete’s sake!

It's weird how nobody ever talks about the fact that we all hear incredibly loud discordant high-tempo circus music in our heads at all times

ah another day at the piece of shit factory

YouTube video by Cracked Comedy Club Humble Offering | Stand Up Comedy | Eli Yudin Full Special

All right enough about the blood money comedians. Let’s talk GOOD comedians. I saw @davidjroth.bsky.social link to this special once and it had me dying. youtu.be/g9NT46SGqFY?...