Eli J

Two commemorative magazines, one for Hello Kitty, the other for Pope Francis

Sucks they never got to collab

Found this old ad from the Episcopal Church and this is insane

Mom came to visit me at work today, so I’ll keep living haha

I feel like it’s difficult to express my feelings without worrying about how other will hear them… I always feel like an edge lord saying depressing things I think

I live life thinking I deserve to be killed or would rather be dead than making people that know me suffer by existing

Fucking lame

I think my parents made a mistake having me fr — thinking we’d all be better if I were on the earth these last three 3ish decades

You look beautiful still, it’s unfortunate that we grew apart

I’m learning that we weren’t a good match for a long while

It’s been devastating

In more positive news a girl gave me her last chicken strip at canes, so that’s nice

Keep it a thouwow my life will now NEVER look like what I had anticipated

Wild shit

Happy to be alive today, it’s a unique feeling

Thanks bro, needed this

i have spent the first 22ish cognizant years of my life with intense paranoia about literally everything i or others do and it still causes me to have pretty rough overthinking spirals. i appreciate the grace offered by my longtime friends when it gets real bad

Got the call to pick up my old dog from the groomer - I hope that sweet girl is so comfy in the sun with her fresh cut - bittersweet as always

How long until big stationary uses lobbyists to make sending and receiving pictures through text a micro transaction

Someone wore perfume that smelled of that past, it was a nice reminder

I’ve lost every single person that I once held dearly, so I can’t really be convinced otherwise

I might not do it myself, but I guess let me be clear that I don’t think I should be kept alive. I’m worthless since over a year.

It’s tough because I believe and have been telling myself that I am God’s one mistake

That’s not really something that can be reconciled

The challenge here is that I didn’t expect to be alive this long while not realizing that I’ve never wanted to be alive.

But I’m far too cowardly to do what likely needs to be done.

I’m in anguish knowing my existence is suffering for others and my ending would also lead to suffering for some.

My world has crumbled around me and I just have to make a new one instead of dying

It’s an odd space to be in. Life is always this way, but it feels like it shouldn’t be

I’m supposed to treat this as a privilege to exist, while at the same time not believing I’m hell incarnate

Could I know peace?

Tamales at 2am, a really special experience

I hope that y’all are okay… I wish I could be an anchor

You used to tell me you were going to take me with you – I don’t think I’ll ever go there now

I guess that’s good for us both

Why am I even mentioning it. Too much time has already passed.

I’ll never have been good enough, but I can learn to accept what I am good for

I’m in agonizing pain

I’m haunted in my dreams and mocked by versions of you and yours that I make up in my sorrow filled subconscious

Will I ever know peace? Can I continue knowing that I will never escape all the burdens of guilt and shame? I’m not worth my space

I am sad, but I want to get better

Got no idea how bad I don’t want to wake up

I wish tonight was it🫡

In addition to mulling over suicide I did get to explain to the bartenders and waiter of a restaurant the difference between Wiki feet and feetfinder, it’s all about balance

This is my BlueSky lmao

How many pieces am I allowed to write about suicidal ideation