Lumi

I honestly don’t think people ever see my posts here and whatever. I don’t care, I’m always invisible. What’s one more knife in the wound. But I miss Vent more than I have words for. I miss the react buttons and the feeling of SUPPORT, like I wasn’t just talking into the void. wish I wasn’t so alone

I am fucked up and broken and I can’t heal these things and I hate it about myself. I wish I had friends. But it’s always going to be like high school isn’t it. Invisible and alone and forgotten, no one wants to talk to me. I wish disabled people weren’t pushed out of society so heavily omfg

hear from them anymore. I feel so LONELY and I was hoping egge would feel cozy and welcoming like vent but it mostly feels bad and scary. I don’t see people like me. Is there no where I fit in anymore? I want friends I want to talk to people but I can’t maintain connections bc

so so so so so much ): It’s easier to load the app and type a post here than it is on egge even though bluesky has the same effect on my mental health as twitter did. I can’t do this kind of social media. I miss how chill vent was with the reaction buttons. I miss my friends from vent, I never

backstabs you when you turn around. Maybe that’s a tumblr experience???? Where it’s the aesthetic bloggers who are two-faced and bitchy. I feel like I’m losing the plotline here. I’m trying to take it slow and approach with an open mind but i don’t know if I’ll feel comfy on egge either. I miss Vent

describe this well at all. But call me old? But I believe in saying the minimum about yourself online and remaining anonymous. For safety reasons. You don’t owe anyone a list of your health issues or identities or anything. Its the kind of person I link to the behavior that’s bubbly to your face but

want to interact with or feel safe with online? Like. the kind of people who list out every single kin and trigger and mental issue and whatever else in their bios, the people with an incredibly long dni. But also present with this saccarine cutesy layout and typing style. I don’t know how to

I’m not really sure how I feel about egge. It’s so… clunky and laggy to use. I also can’t find people I’m interested in following? The crowd there seems veryyyyy young. I’ve only seen a few people my age. And so many people there are… not. how do I say this politely. Not the kind of people I ever

the world is crumbling and I’m too disabled to exert any control over my environment, any personal agency, and i am feeling….. morose. badly. despair.

thank you for the reassurance! (I was trying to approach the topic gently but I present as a man in most offline spaces and it’s hard for me to be in explicitly anti-masculine spaces online. I don’t want Egge to be that, and also this person just followed me on here? which was concerning)

…can I ask what kind of thing you said / what the tone was? started trying Egge today and I’m still figuring out the hm social code?, what’s acceptable and what’s not

well. made an egge account. Same username as on vent, if any friends want to add me there (or dm me if you forget the @ I guess?) Hoping it will feel better to post there than on here. It’s so scary to post here and idk …. empty. I also don’t like how panic inducing the politics on the timeline is

I would think that another disabled person would know better 😒

this is in response to someone with another health condition trying to describe their pain “like a migraine but everywhere” and I’m ??????? my migraines ARE everywhere because they are multi-systemic. You can’t do that. You can’t reduce it down to just bad head pain.

since most people have heard of it, since it’s so common, that there’d be more general understanding about it. When I get a migraine I can’t eat well, I can’t sleep well, I can’t focus, I get hyperactive, I get nauseous, I get insomnia, I get weak and dizzy, I get brain fog, etc.

I always find it so weird when people talk about migraines like it’s JUST a really bad headache. Like ?? it’s neurological and affects ✨the entire body✨. Everyone has different symptoms. You can’t reduce it down to just head pain. It’s a debilitating health condition and you’d think

once again conducting the yearly ritual sacrifice of my blood (to the phlebotomist) to retain my vitality and strength (from HRT)

it’s frustrating not knowing how many people “get it” because if you try to explain, there’s a fair chance they will look at you like you’re talking conspiracy theories or utter nonsense. And that’s also exhausting /: Balancing the risk of informing people and dealing with That vs staying silent

you get so much less event points and items and everything. You are completely disincentivized from playing solo mode. Incredibly poor game design. I’m going to severely miss cheerful carnivals (random song select). I wish there was a truly random button for coop not just “recommended”. grumpy

I’m so so so so tired of playing co-op in project sekai global server. It’s ALWAYS three people pick hitorinbo envy or boss songs after boss songs or tiering songs. I HATE IT. I’m here to have fun not play the same boring awful songs over and over and over again. I would just play solo but

(genuine) thank you for the encouragement (:

finished knitting my one sweater that i’ve been so excited about all this time and I feel…… nothing. a sudden worry it’s ugly after all. That the 3/4 sleeve was a bad idea. That the colors are bad. I don’t know. I thought it would feel good to finish it

measured my second bobbin of handspun in this green fiber and I have just over 50% as much yarn as in the first bobbin 😬 I must have spun this one denser? or thicker? but this means I might not have enough total yarn at the end to make the sweater I wanted ): honestly devastated

what a sad Ides of March this year ): it could have been so funny. so incredibly funny.

did a survey for this one yarn supplier I like and the one question kind of … made me pause- “Why do you knit?” I don’t know??? I’ve been knitting for almost 20 years? It’s just part of me part of my life? To not knit is to stop breathing? I always always have some project on the needles

up and down the stairs at the fabric store. It’s just…. kind of a sad reminder that “if you can dream it you can do it” is absolutely not the case for disabled people. We are kept out of so many industries bc of the grind mindset. It’s just not accessible ):

it’s nice to dream about being on something like project runway, but … it’s not *accessible* in any way. The amount of physical (and emotional) work these people have to do is nuts. 12+ hour work days! I can’t even stand for five minutes without pain. I would never be able to work like that or run

i don’t want to update to ios18 but this app i’ve been recommended (egge space?) requires ios15.6 or higher. I’m trying to figure out if I can update to versions of ios that are no longer signed and my head is spinning. I’m tired of updates making everything Different and Worse and user hostile

for disability and trans reasons. I just want to be safe. Which makes me retreat fashion-wise because its something i can control at least. And then I feel trapped in a prison bc that’s not… me. Fashion is no longer self expression then.

thinking about men are called “brave” for wearing a dress etc bc that opens him up to harassment, it really is doing something dangerous. And how I want to wear feminine things cute things but also how I’m so fucking tired of being brave and being resilient. I have to do that every day