90lbs

I'm still leftover drunk like 6+ hours later wtf I'm gonna have the worst hangover tomorrow

I say I don't care but I did count the cals lmao

also I did start drinking at like noon and I've been asleep most of the day and ppl were worried and tried to wake me up and idk how well I hid all the bloody napkins and shit before I passed out cus I was messed up. I ate a lot too but honestly don't care about that with how bad the cutting was??

self harm

what the fuck did I do.. I can't tell anyone irl this so here's a secret. I got crossfaded and starting cutting and could not stop it was insanely addictive. I have never in my life felt like that before. I can't do that again. it was fucking euphoric and I wanted to go so much further

I'll always remember today. I'll make sure

big mood. hate throwing food away so much. I find it very hard to give things away unless it's bread or sweets unfortunately

nothing will matter when I go back to work. nobody will stop me from losing. I won't even fucking talk to anyone until I hit my ugw

I just wanna give up on restricting until I go back to work tbh. I'm just gonna try to maintain what I have rn. I keep having shit get in the way and it's exhausting feeling bad about it all the time like it even fucking matters.

I'm not gonna hit 105 by New Year's but it's okay. still gonna be able to reach 99 by February, easy. I have lost over 10lbs in a month before and I can do it again

OUTB&CK SUCKS my food is gonna be 890 cals and we're definitely getting drinks too (probably another 400-600). the worst part is. person I'm going with has had full-on ana before. I can't make dumb excuses with her cus she will know I relapsed

I wish I had died before I met you

I do everything I can for you and it's not even enough to make you happy. I know you fucking hate me but you have nobody else who will take care of you like I do so you say you love me and you won't let me leave either. fine. fucking fine. but I'm gonna have control of my pain and suffering, not you

I'm surrounded by such innocent and kind people and then there's me... I feel like I'm always trying so hard to not be a piece of shit

what a vibe tbh

I hate not knowing what I'm gonna eat tomorrow so fucking much. I don't wanna be weird but I just want to beg my roommates to make some sort of schedule

Welcome to Demon School Iruma-kun

I've thrown away my scale only to later buy another multiple times

I miss doing long fasts. I swear I remember doing 80hrs one time but I don't have pics or anything to prove it so I'm not sure. my memory of that week is not great lol

already cried today but it's okay I'm still gonna do my exercises and stuff I think. just hate myself a lot

ate so much lately it's like I don't even have an ED... I was just faking it lmao I'm soooo mentally well

someone at this party is being so weird about how I'm eating??? ughhh fml I hate these people

we literally weight exactly the same today lol

I got unreasonably crossfaded last night for no reason like what did I do??? I managed to chug some g zero so I don't have a hangover but still feel weird today

that sounds miserable I'm so sorry

fucked up again hahaha like really fucked wow

hell yeah 2 hour long flashback 😁

wanted to exercise and stuff today but I'm getting more emotional flashbacks and I don't want to leave my bed now

10/10 self destruction maxing

so tired of eating my TDEE every day fml. day 3 now

new goal is to fit the diagnostic criteria for ana even tho I kinda hate the DSM lol