Adrian

My medical advice for OCD is to Go On A Walk

Brain worms are back

for years i told myself that transitioning then probably wouldn't have helped me anyway, i had other problems, it was too much to ask for, i might have wound up confused about whether i was making the right choice. but fuck all of that. trans healthcare for everyone, now and forever.

Feeling really emotional. I miss the woods

As long as sick week doesn’t hit early I’m gonna go camping Friday. All I have left for my class is the final and I only have to get a 30% on it to get an A so I’ll knock that out Thursday along with some chores and head out Friday morning

Rewatched mysterious skin. Good movie tbh

Messed up my circadian whatever by fucking with my sleep schedule and being nocturnal but have been awake and out in daylight the past couple days and trauma week is hitting late this year

None of ur business!!!

Uchicago pharmacy is like do you use the whole T bottle or throw it away after one dose and I’m like hm what does PP say and they’re like throw it away and I’m like that and they’re like …ok

I hope everyone is having a really good day

Being 27 feels like graduating into adulthood

It’s crazy how doable my job is when there are 8 patients instead of 14

It didn’t feel scary at the time because how I was living felt scarier. I think I feel that way now about oophorecotmy too. It’s an attempt to survive

I’m so proud of myself for getting on hrt. It’s scary to do something like that to your body

I could have soaked both in vinegar but I was sick and didn’t really have time to do that or figure out a way to carry them. I also threw out a couple hundred dollars worth of shoes and several hundred dollars worth of books. It made me very sad and very averse to buying things for years

*infected

I also had a bunch of foreign money my parents left under my pillow from the “tooth fairy” and I left that on the speaker podium in the classroom because it wasn’t injected with mold I just didn’t have a way to carry it. The quilt and the stuffed rabbit went in the bin

I left them in a trash can on the 5th floor of major Williams hall which is where I led the first section of the class I taught on campus and would study at night because it stayed unlocked. My roommate drove me to campus around midnight and I stayed up there til the bus got there at 5am

Honestly idk how I was supposed to get out of Blacksburg with most of my stuff and no car. So like whatever. I wish I still had my childhood journals and a favorite stuff animal/quilt but such is life

I was also violently depressed and sleeping on a mattress on the floor for almost 2 months. So that’s a total of more than 3 months without a bedframe

I was paying rent just not to a landlord haha

My friend offered me her couch so I tossed my 4 years of accumulated stuff and moved to Fairfax for 3 weeks before moving to Richmond. It took me about 6 weeks once I was there to get a job, I got by with help from a different friends mom, an ex boyfriend, not being on a lease, and having foodstamps

That period ended very scary I was quite sick and had to move out of my apartment into an unfurnished sublet (carpet, heated, I got a sleeping bag eventually, roommate was a very chill Iranian cadet member student bus driver on winter break) and almost moved back in with my parents

I watched ATLA through twice during the 1-2 months I was quarantined. For the first time, I didn’t see it as a kid! Helped me get through those months I think partially bc it pulled some littles forward to deal with the brunt of it

It’s this one. Can also calm me down when I’m overstimulated. Both/and sort of situation

I really want to start on GnRH antagonists asap bc if they work I want an oophorectomy

I was listening to the same like 8 YouTube lowfi audios for months straight in 2020 and I have been playing those while studying the past few days so I think that is the culprit. The first on one the playlist always makes me sad, the rest don’t have a discernible effect on my subconscious (til now)

They didn’t traumatize me!! I think they helped me heal which was if anything a little more impactful based on my life to that point

As proof that I never get over anything I had a dream last night about someone I haven’t seen or spoken to in almost 5 years

I’d like to visit Roanoke but I don’t want to live there