*snip snip* get off my sand 🦀

"LET ME IN THAT HOUUUUUUSE" i have been known to yell at the tv as they film in greystone manor for the 800th time

me, in any town: what's the oldest, biggest, weirdest house they'll let the public near, and will they let me in

more proof, imho, that Gender™️ is fake and/or a construct of Big Fashion

today i learned that, apparently, which wrist you wear your watch on indicates Gender, instead of just which hand i'm least likely to open palm slam into a hard surface

you can't stop me, i'm wide awake and full of regrets

exorcism via visual kei band had me on the fLOOR

glasses work and it makes me so goddamn mad

putting my glasses on like an anime character about to come out of retirement: now why'd you have to go and make me do that

the lift these workmen are using on my building beeps whenever it moves (great safety feature, annoying as shit) but i Need To Nap

this book is talking about the same historical figure (nabonidus) as a previous one, but it took me a full hour to figure it out because this narrator is pronouncing it "nab-o-NIGH-duss" & the other narrator said "na-BON-ih-duss"

watching dandadan with open-mouthed awe. just headlong into the wackiest shit possible with no one ever stopping to be like "hey wait a minute..."

narrator: /reads mission transcript
me: /sobbing in my kitchen

listening to something about the moon (&, by extension, the moon landing) & gosh, i guess i will always be overwhelmed with emotion because of this one event

anyway, pudding mit gabel gegessen en sonntag

get you a brother who will dig deep into his high school german to tell you what the poorly pronounced german you just read to him means

so many things happened in 2005, a year that was, i have been informed nine months into it, twenty years ago

hilariously, you can sub out "werewolf" for almost any supernatural being & i bet you theres something out there. american dragon jake long doesn't even wait for the skeet to be skeeted.

he was a teenage werewolf. she was a teenage werewolf hunter. can i be any more obvious?

you, a square: TIM HORTONS doesn't have an apostrophe because it's french
me, a visionary: TIM HORTONS doesn't have an apostrophe because there are multiple tims

a man will literally be like "you should marry my sister" before admitting that he might want to kiss another dude

vodka grasshopper with a lightly salted rim over chocolate syrup, for extra bite

can't even REQUEST it, don't even speak to me of the deep search

& WHY does libby have every one of this author's books except, seemingly, their one foray into dudes fucking? a twenty-some book series with multiple novellas & you're missing just one? this one?

/extremely vine voice/ i don't even know what the book is about

a screenshot of the preview of a book description in Libby that reads: "Long-listed for the National Book Award for Fiction. Named a Most Anticipated Book by New York, Time, the Boston Globe, Bustle, and Town & Country. A life-affirming novel of..."

so many books i have not or have delayed reading because, instead of a summary, their preview looks like this

i am begging someone in the book jacket creation industry to move the solid, incomprehensible block of quotes & comps to the end of the alleged summary so that the ACTUAL summary can be read by me without multiple clicks & scrolling

i knew nothing about computers before watching it & i sure as hell learned nothing about computers after watching it, but boy did angelina jolie make a bunch of things Clear about myself

everybody should have a movie they watched because it was thing on cable aside from ELEKTRA (2005) & it played about four times a day for unknown reasons. also, that movie has to be HACKERS (1995). i'm sorry, i dont make the rules.

announcer: /miming chopping a baseball while yelling "hi-yah"
me: sir, this is an audio medium

love eighties tv. a man may be dying from a gunshot wound, but that will not keep him from lighting an unfiltered cigarette as he narrates his own death.