Alexander Williams

Scene is a spoof TV news item. The NEWSREADER is talking to camera from behind the desk. NEWSREADER: Now, here to discuss the smartphone ban in schools… We have with us, YouTube Shorts. [Pull back to show an anthropomorphised version of the YOUTUBE SHORTS screen, sat in the interviewee's chair across from the newsreader] NEWSREADER: Good morning. YOUTUBE SHORTS: Hi NEWSREADER: You Tube Shorts, you work in education... YOUTUBE SHORTS: Yes. I work in schools across the country teaching Epic Dance Fail, Try Not To Cringe Challenge and Al Slop. NEWSREADER: And will the proposed phone ban limit your ability to do your job? YOUTUBE SHORTS: No. I'll still be on all school laptops because YouTube is vaguely educational and Google have made me impossible to turn off. NEWSREADER: So children are being asked to do their homework on... ...the most advanced distraction machine ever created? YOUTUBE SHORTS: Well- I think a more constructive way to frame that question might be: Can IShowSpeed jump over a moving Lamborghini? [The newsreader silently looks at the screen on YOUTUBE SHORTS's front, where a YouTuber jumps over a Lamborghini. This continues for an awkward beat] NEWSREADER: Woah. NEWSREADER [returning to awareness]: What were we talking about? YOUTUBE SHORTS [pointing at the next Short which has appeared on its own front]: Look at this fat dog. [ends]

I like the govt's plan to ban smartphones and social media in schools but nobody's mentioned the glaring hole in it

this is what peak posting looks like. you may not like it etc. but this is the platonic ideal of posting.

"triple lutz straight into did I turn the oven off"

Just beyond parody at this point

The Always Be Closing scene from Glengarry GlenRoss but Alec Baldwin is replaced by Dr Hammond giving a presentation from Jurassic Park and the chalkboard now reads Always Be Cloning

I do wonder about anyone who thinks McSweeney single-handedly won Labour its majority. They do realise they were up against a catastrophically unpopular government? The 2024 result was very much an underperformance against the fundamentals.

Only good power scale discourse

Someone on TV vaguely says "Obviously there's a disgusting rotten stench in our country right now. Just an indescribable filth" and our big beautiful president immediately logs on to go "NO IM NOT"

Some people think they were bluffing but I think whoever it was got cold feet

People often jump to saying online propaganda is either the work of radicalised actors, or else Russia.

In practice, it’s amazing how often the answer is much simpler – someone is chasing either (a) clout, (b) money, or (c) both.

i forget who made it but it cracks me up lol

Royal Commission to save Lord Glassman’s marriage in exchange for which he agrees to never write an opinion piece again.

We've tried chaos with everybody else, it's now time to try the original and best

An owl, a microwave and a commemorative EdStone for every home
Lord Glasman gets to fuck his wife
Yelling "one nation" for some reason
Telling Peter Mandelson to fuck off
No tax on hot sausage rolls

An agenda the nation can believe in

The nation craves chaos with Ed Miliband

This fundamentally is the problem with a large part of the Labour Party: it has set itself against a large part of the core vote of a 21st century social democratic party, partly due to an incapability to parse such positions as existing and having merit outwith their narrow factionalism

While many of you are likely yelling "GO PATRIOTS" or "GO SEAHAWKS!" I'm yelling "GO BAD BUNNY and the rule of social democracy!"

#SuperBowl2026SanFrancisco

60 years ago today, mild-mannered jim bowl was bitten by a radioactive spider

A tweet from @ futurevictim_ that reads "the only lasting 9/11 memory i have is when the budweiser ad with the kneeling clydesdales came on during the super bowl and i said "those horses are praying to mecca" and my friend's uncle got so mad that he had to go in the backyard"

Never Forget

Also Net Zero has been Labour's policy the entire time McSweeney has been there and they're spending tens of billions to achieve it...

UK Traitors: win or lose I’m well chuffed from making some good mates
US Traitors: My name is The Botox Bitch and I will have your children killed

i try not to think about genocide deniers too much but it's amazing how the dude co-authored a book about media narratives shaping societal attitudes, and a bunch of people decided that this is something that only happens in the west, instantly giving an incredible number of people campist brainrot

Morgan McSweeney does have some fans in the Parliamentary Labour Party, of course. One MP says they are "devastated" he has left. Another warns it represents "full speed ahead to uber-woke, net-zeroist, rejoinerism". An MP who has been through several general elections when the tide was against Labour says of colleagues: "Good luck to all these careerists when they face an election without someone like Morgan at the helm. "Some of us are old enough to remember the Corbyn era with no one in charge and the party floundering."

Yes, god help we risk a floundering government that feels like no one is in charge.

I disagree with Congressman Gonzales that 5-year-old American citizen children are helped in any way by their kindergarten classmates being kisbnapped and disappeared by marked, armed thugs.

Due to a bureaucratic mixup, Ed Davey is now the Prime Minister of Japan and Sanae Takaichi is scheduled to walk a tightrope over the Humber

Tweet from Hasan Piker: "benjamin netenyahu is in the files and former pm ehud barak has such an extensive relationship w esptein they might as well call it the israel files what the fuck are you talking about."

Netanyahu is a war criminal who belongs in the Hague, but the only references to Netanyahu in the Epstein files are emails sent exchanging articles about him, or others discussing him.

I think it's very bad that the most popular left-wing streamer on the internet is a raging antisemite.

Rate bit of good news here for Labour.

Message to Sanae Takaichi

I like the idea that you accidentally became the Token Conservative on the podcast.