Anne

a car tire with a guitar strapped to it, along with a hat, wig, and sunglasses arranged to resemble the famous guitarist Slash

oh my god someone slashed our tire

I had the exact same thought 😳

A jury of my peers? TWELVE murderers?!

Sometimes I think everything sucks, and other times I know it’s just most things, and other times I’m asleep. Life is a rich tapestry

baby needs pasta grocery store sign

rolling up to the Olive Garden like

Online Store: Great news!! Your package has shipped ❤️ Click here to track it 🥰

Me: [clicks]

Online Store: Whoa whoa WHOA! Slow down, Speed Racer!!! We haven’t even put the sticker on the box yet, JESUS Christ 😬 🛑

i don’t practice trans sharia
i aint got no crystal ball

kinda feel like pete hegseth could’ve given us a heads up in the chat

Pretty wild to make your entire case about how immigrants are lawless freeloaders, but having to go to their workplaces and court hearings to arrest them.

Reposted by Dan Mentos? Wake up sheeple, do your research

Texting Jesus like

👣👣
👣👣
👣 ┐
👣 │
👣 ├ ???
👣 │
👣 ┘
👣👣
👣👣

🤣

ME: happy valentine’s day

NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON: *slaps heart-shaped box out of my hands* an actual heart is shaped nothing like that

[Alien family passing Earth]
*door lock noise*

It's 12 degrees outside- 'Would you like to purchase a car wash?'

This is what you get when you order a stargate from Temu.

merry christmas to those that celebrate and merry live más to all the taco bell folks

Rube Goldberg: Sorry I'm late, the chicken didn't knock over the watering can

getting hit with a no doy at this point in my life would devastate me

Two guys standing in front of a barn with the tagline "We're REAL CHEESE people"

Has science gone too far?

*watching James Blunt mouth "not you" to me after singing You're Beautiful in concert*

“Who let the dogs out” they ask. “No idea” I say. They let me go. As I walk away from the police station my limp slowly disappears.

Henchman: sir I need to take Thursday and Friday off

Mob Boss: ok but please have all your crimes done by Wednesday end of day

I miss the old days when street gangs asserted their dominance through aggressive hair combing

The moon took off its glasses and now we see it’s a Super Moon.

wait why does the dept of government efficiency have two co-chairs

@cornerdj.bsky.social
Hey Steve! It's Val. Just found your account and wanted to say hi.

The worst part about insomnia is having to eat all those spiders while I'm awake