Jesse Mclaren

Sad seeing Bruce Springsteen become political. If he wrote Born In The USA today it would be all about how the USA *isn’t* so great 🙄

Elon is about to sue him for copyright infringment.

THE WEST WING’S OPENING THEME
“This is an important show about important people.”

THE WEST WING’S CLOSING THEME
“This is the start of a 90s movie about a kid who moved to a new town where he will find an alien who will teach him how to play soccer.”

I’ll be honest, I never liked Catdog’s vibe.

ON BUILDING NAMED AFTER CONFEDERATE GENERAL
"It's had that name for decades. We must respect history."

ON THE BODY OF WATER KNOWN AS THE "GULF OF MEXICO" FOR HALF A MILLENNIUM.
"You mean the Gulf of AMERICA."

When your rebranding is such a failure that a year+ later emergency notifications still have to waste 20 characters on “ (formerly Twitter) .”

Entering 2015 vs entering 2025

ME: And in the future, the biggest movie will be about a seductive vampire from Transylvania!

BRAM STOKER: Dracula!?

ME: Sure.

Americans realizing their insurance deductibles just reset.

The 2025 is badly designed leaving the person uncle to see anything.

It’s over. We’re officially done with these.

I knew it.

Just got the sinking feeling that something terrible is going to happen to Jimmy Carter sometime within the next few years.

Remember when people thought the Covid vaccine made them become magnetic and instead of bullying them mercilessly we let them choose the president?

Remember when people thought the Covid vaccine made them become magnetic and instead of bullying them mercilessly we let them choose the president?

Die Hard is not a “Christmas movie”. It’s Christmas *cinema*.

Just discovered I can 3D print the cylinder in a music box to make it play any song I want.

I have millennials ghosts. They say they’ll leave my house once interest rates go down

ME THEN: We’re all going to be wiped off the face of the planet soon. 😰

ME NOW: We’re all going to be wiped off the face of the planet soon. 🥰

ME THEN: We’re all going to be wiped off the face of the planet soon. 😰

ME NOW: We’re all going to be wiped off the face of the planet soon. 🥰

Waited until she was in a country with universal healthcare
to get a hip replacement. Once again she beat the market.

Oh, you’re in the “Christmas Spirit?” Cool. So all October you were just faking being spooky for likes? …Got it.

If you don’t understand why people are infuriated with healthcare companies it’s because there’s a club that you’re not part of yet. Give it time!

When I saw this as a kid I was like “fun fact!” Now I’m like “damn, that shit must have been stressful.”

Weird, I have a specific memory of him not dying.

Weird, I have a specific memory of him not dying.

NO ONE:

PETE HEGSETH’S MOM:

The reason McDonald’s removes the McRib is so Ronald can suck his own dick.

If I tweeted this in 2014 it would have gone so viral I would have been invited on Ellen.

The reason McDonald’s removes the McRib is so Ronald can suck his own dick.

Just bummed Mad Magazine isn’t around for an “Icked” issue.