KyDontDie

If you've put a "princess" decal on your vehicle and it's anything other than a limo or a part of a royal motorcade, I assume you are merely a pretender to the throne and just some common bitch instead and you need to fucking learn how to signal like the rest of us peasants, your bullshit highness

Gettin old
Gonna get a cane soon and fill it with ibuprofen

We call each other our ball and chain but pantomime swinging a flail

a man is making a funny face and saying `` oh my god '' in front of a crowd . ALT: a man is making a funny face and saying `` oh my god '' in front of a crowd .

I always thought Paddington 2 was a meme or a joke to like. I just saw it. It's magnificant.

You know those animals that people help, like cutting off netting/plastic? Do you suppose those animals go back to their groups and try to explain it, but the other animals think they're just being conspiracists?
If that's so, do you think there's a guy in their pack like "Psh. Nothing ever happens"

How come Jeopardy answers are only in the form of the same question? Why is it never "Is it (answer)?" That's still in the form of a goddamn question

My art is exclusively stolen from existing AI images. I illustrate the image by hand and do not give credit to the program I took it from.

#ART

My gf: Heh.
Me: What?
Her: I was just thinking about Jesus bein on a stick

Too many of the people I take care of are gonna go hungry next month, all because Donny Antoinette needed to spoil his gestapo babies with new weapons to use against the American people.
Fuckin pedo weasel bitch.

My gf is so aggressively pro-toast

“The whole thing’s crust!”

Teeth ground into paste. Teeth paste.
My gf is a monster.

Dr. Goodall, you were a total badass. Thank you so much for everything. You'll always be our patron saint of primatology, but more than that, you'll always be the kind lady who took the time to encourage a bunch of budding scientists to love the science. (5/5)

I called my class over, we took the pic, and she never stopped smiling at us. We thanked her profusely (and apologized to her assistant), and my professor gave me 100 extra credit points - a full letter grade for that class - for pulling it off. (4/5)

I asked for a pic. She began agreeing with an enthusiastic "Oh, of course!" Until her assistant tried to stop her.
"Jane, we don't have time--" "WE HAVE TIME." There it was, the primal look I bet she adopted over decades. (3/5)

As the crowd dispersed and my class sank in disappointment, I decided to just go for it and got to the rope barrier to greet her on her way out. She was so happy to hear I was there as an ecology student and was ecstatic to see the rest of my class across the crowd. (2/5)

I took a bit to collect my thoughts on Jane Goodall, and I keep coming back to the story of when I actually met her with my ecology class at the Hawaii IUCN convention in 2016. We were waiting in line to meet her when her assistant announced that Dr. Goodall had to go. (1/5)

Very excited to see my country in the "Find Out" stage

When I ask if you’re a top or bottom, I’m talking about where you put your condiments on a hotdog

Before you stick it up your ass

LMAO your performance in these hearings are not very Kash money

Every single image of Kash Patel looks like he just got caught jerkin it to weird porn

Ok wait, so…Florida is just not vaxxing anymore?

…Good? Herd Immunity was compromised a long time ago, just let them polio themselves

You guys ever fart so hard in the kitchen you feel compelled to turn the vent fan on?

I've been so grateful to eat well this past month, especially after all that time in my 20s when my most common dinner was a big serving of sleeploaf

My crumbslut little cat is young, dumb, and full of crumbs, the little crumbwhore

Sir, France is Bacon

Well...as some stranger on the internet, I can tell you that you've given me my next tattoo

Thanks, mom. You're really good too.

Hoisted by my own batard

If you are blue
And you dunno
Where to go
Why don't you go
Where fashion is

Puttin on the Rizz

I like to fat shame my cat baby

Go ahead and castrate possible representatives as they come into election races while you're at it. And absolutely no wealth worries in an infinite energy society. Maybe put em in a huge Big Brother-style house. Lol, Real World Dickless Candidates