Theo

Introduce yourself with five concerts you’ve seen:
Nine Inch Nails
Garbage
Linkin Park
Muse
Green Day

One of the many things that gets me about TikTok is a couple times I’ve tried to post something like “quote from their video” and then say something like “okay then”. And I can’t post it! It’s flagged as hate speech, because what the person literally said is that bad. But the video is still up!

It is eternally fascinating to me how often someone says “I have a question about X”, and someone else replies “Well I don’t know anything about X, but here’s what I know about Y”.

What is happening in that person’s brain? Why are they doing this? I truly do not know, but I want to. Maybe. 🤔

I hate the internet but I love the internet but I fucking haaaaate the internet.

All I wanna know is why the lights everywhere are so bright.

I just startd reading "Crime and Punishment" for the first time, and I did not expect how entirely wacky it is!

Way too many sci-fi movies and TV shows these days have a substantial plot point which is that the highly qualified, elite people involved are incompetent bumblers.

skill issue

Me, reading the news: "God, what a yucky world".

If I ever commit a homicide, I want it on record now that I was driven to it by OneDrive.

It makes me so sad there's people in the world without easy access to poutine.

Is it just me, or has brainstorming a list never ever worked and I just do the first stuff I thought of anyway.

Enjoying this new thing wherein GoodReads randomly deletes my books reviews........ because it might finally get me off this dumb app and over to StoryGraph.

Me at 17C: Brr, I’m cold. Guess I’ll put on a second sweater.
Me at 19C: Why is it hot like the FUCKING SAHARA?! Can I peel off my skin to get any cooler?!

"Oxford commas are a sign you write with ai" I will find such a unique way to rip out your spine that they'll make a movie about it

I did that the first time I got an email for that person, and we agreed to forward each other but THEY RENEGED! I know for a fact that they received one email they never forwarded to me, despite my loyal adherence to our agreement.

Many have proposed alphabet solutions, but I think you’ll see mine are the appropriate balance of common sense and rationality. Outstanding issue to be addressed in my second term: alphabet organization. The order is currently an arbitrary, dare I say anarchistic, mess. Solutions must be found.

Updated alphabet pronunciation (25 letters, 5 vowels):
Ay Bee Dee Ee Eff
Gee Aytch Ai Jay Kay
Ell Emm Enn Oh Pee
Qoo Ar Ess Tee Ou
Vee Woo Ex Why Zed

Related: “U” is now pronounced “ou”. That “oo” and “ou” are the functionally the same is not my department. Take it up with Spelling. If you ask me, all “oo/ou” should be “uu”, but we’re just talking alphabet here.

I know we are getting too close to spelling nonsense here, but we must remember that no one trusts a letter that can’t be used to spell itself. Thus additionally, “Q” is now pronounced “qoo” aka “kwoo”.

Most controversial: “Q” stays, as replacing it would require two letters, but no longer must it be followed with a “U” to make the standard “Q” sound.

“X” and “Z” are on notice. Stop fucking about.

Fifthly, “W” (ridiculous, most people write it as a double “v” anyway) is now pronounced “woo”. This will also make the alphabet more fun to recite.

Addendum to “G”: it is now pronounced “gee”. If you’re following along, you understand what that means.

Fourthly, all soft “J” sounds are now “Y”.’ All hard “J” sounds and soft “G” sounds are now “J”. All hard “G” sounds are now “G”. “Y” is never a vowel. We must have order.

Thirdly, “I” must have little lines top and bottom to clarify it is not lower case “L”. Putting a slight bend in the bottom of the lower case “L” is also encouraged (like a very mild backward “J”). Anyone who writes an “I” like a “1”, with that little mark on the top left, is sent to jail.

Secondly, “C” is fired. Use “S” and “K” as appropriate. “Ch” is now “Kh”. I know “Khurkh” looks weird, but you’ll get used to it.

“q” and “p” can stay, but only “q” with a loop at the bottom. “q” with a straight stick down (like this one) is illegal. Obviously, adding a loop to “d” or “p” is also illegal.

First of all, no more “b” and “d”, that’s a dyslexic’s worst nightmare, and is now considered a hate crime. “d” can stay, “b” is getting changed (a loop is to be added to the top of the stick, as in cursive).