gary lineker will live for an eternity and he will reign over an unending bacchanal of crisps and shitting yourself while soul limbo is blasted from the heavens by the trumpets of angels

entering the Olympics to compete on behalf of the people's republic of pollokshields

my rubric for Helens in the trans rights debate:

if you're Helen be Webberly then your time will be heavenly. if your Helen be Joyce, it shall not be noyce.

what's the conversion rate for like an average looking penny? or even like a penny that is worried that people think she's ugly?

i personally think nine griisms would be enough

impressive they could hit the neck when the face is so huge

evil emailer: cruel regards

love that it's feasible for someone in the world to be called Gay Guy

I'm a close family friend of the country's no.1 gay magistrate

chicken tikka mycelium

I'm rebooting the ting tings as a solo act

vapes should get computer viruses

yass queen, you better boil that fuckin frog

I'm pig therefore I'm ham

i think my dream job would be "butler for an extravagantly wealthy pig"

going on celebrity weakest link and donating my winnings to hamas

I'm uncomfy in my chair. tens of thousinds dead.

lynx in bio

grainy screenshot of a map labelled "jedway"

who do you think should have won X factor in 2009 and then Eurovision in 2011 and 2012?
personally I think it should have been

i have just discovered that there is joy and beauty in all things! I'm sure i will never forget this and slip into sadness ever again because this time i understand it in a conpletely different way and nothing bad will ever happen to me

i have been crowned history's youngest milf

if anyone wants to add me on xbox my gamertag is The_Grieving_Oompa_Loompa

I'll have you know that my bog has very high standards

keith smarter is consulting with The Council of Lads to see whether he should go to war with woke

in western culture there was a third gender grouping known as Tomboy. they were thought to be extremely spiritual young women who took on the roles of men in order to perform religious rituals such as short hair and skate board

many people know me as the warlock of pornography

king prince Charles has announced that he's officially "going evil" now

if I was forced to say something about animals it would be that they love to hang out

never give up on your dreams. you are going to commit so many murders and no one will ever catch you

i plan on becoming the Vatican City's most powerful druglord