Marielle Collette

Y’all. Blake Shelton and Keith Urban are the same person to me. Yeehaw.

All McDonald’s employees should receive increased wages AND HAZARD PAY for the duration of the McDonald’s Monopoly game. 🍦🍔🍟

Best Disney voice? Demi Lovato. Best Disney knees? Demi Lovato. Sorry Not Sorry.

Unfortunately it’s impossible to apply sunscreen without thinking about Mark Zuckerburg surfing on a $12,000 foil board. :(

Biggest takeaway after the first episode of With Love, Meghan: God, I wish I were rich.

Severance. Yellowjackets. White Lotus. Righteous Gemstones. The Rehearsal. I can’t hang out. My shows are on.

What in the Ashley Tisdale 2000s is going on here, Free People

Involuntarily screaming every time I see that one character on Yellowjackets. Nothing has scared me more. I have to avert my eyes. Even during the incredible intro because at any moment he could flash across the screen. IYKYK.

The scary numbers from Severance is just what happens when you try to go to sleep after playing sudoku for too long.

Critics could never understand how great Uptown Girls is. 13% on Rotten Tomatoes? Go to hell. The script is incredible. I love girlhood.

I know there’s a lot going on right now but why is mayo in taco dip. Of all the white condiments that seems like the wrong one

I was marked safe at the Eras movie. I was marked safe at Wicked. I was NOT marked safe at A Complete Unknown. Thank you, Cheryl, for singing, talking, and loudly sighing through the entire movie. The “Me Generation” is so fitting.

Timothée was excellent. I’m buying a fringe jacket.

I need a season of The Traitors that’s just the cast of Dance Moms. Please make sure the castle is wheelchair accessible. Thank you.

“You’re so funny.” Thanks, I have vague memories of child psychologists watching how I played with toys.

Lily Blossom Bloom’s Carhartt jacket over her cocktail dress. DIABOLICAL.

Watched It Ends with Us to get more context for those voicemails. Her name is LILY BLOSSOM BLOOM??? His name is RYLE???

Jack Quaid is somehow even more theatre kid than Rachel Zegler. Get that man in a production of Seussical ASAP.

Watching Dark (2017) on Netflix. Only a few episodes in. Just when you think you can relax- NEW CHARACTER. NEW CHARACTER BUT ALSO THE SAME CHARACTER. PHOTO WITH YOUNGER VERSION OF A CHARACTER YOU JUST MET. NAME DROP OF CHARACTER YOU MET BRIEFLY IN A PREVIOUS EPISODE. But I think I like it.

TikTok coming back so soon feels like hearing Usher’s “Yeah!” from the bathroom at your middle school dance.

Me in my winter jacket is not me. If you think you see me in a fully zipped North Face with some of the feathers coming out, that’s not me. I don’t know her. See you in the spring.

Player 001 is NOT a “hear me out.” Look at the screen. That man is objectively FINE. 🔥🔥🔥 “Omg, I can’t believe I have a crush on him.” Are you being for real

It’s totally appropriate to include “Stick Season” on my holiday playlist. In this essay I will-

I listened to 13 hours of “new” Christmas music. The only song that made the playlist was Kesha’s “Holiday Road.” Makes me feel like drinking some red 40 powdered sugar icing.

This is funnier than anything I could ever post.

We all had a Pink Pilates Princess Strut Pop season, huh?

“I’m imagining you belting out ‘What Happens’ from Jesus Christ Superstar at karaoke night.” -Spotify Wrapped AI Podcast

You mean THE NOTEBOOK???

The funniest Black Friday email was definitely the one from Citizen. “BLACK FRIDAY ONLY: 33% OFF EVERYTHING- SEE REGISTERED SEX OFFENDERS”

I live in a blue bubble because I thought “Defying Gravity” would have made its way to non-musical theatre nerds at some point over the past 20 years. The biggest song from the global phenomenon Wicked??? Hello??? I’m never playing trivia with you guys.

Obviously I’m seeing Wicked. 2 hours and 48 minutes of escapism. SIGN ME UP. And I am certainly wearing the iconic purple “I 💜 OZ” tee from 2010.

Don’t volunteer!!! The WOODS will decide