A Funny Old Game

27 years ago today:

Nicolas Anelka, inexplicably wearing goalie gloves, latches onto a filthy flick from Zinedine Zidane to score for France at Wembley.

What a time to be alive.

Today we celebrate the birth of a Champ Man legend.

A goal-poacher supreme plucked from the streets of Portugal.

Rumour says he was a data mishap. A figment of the imagination.

But mishaps don’t score 50+ goals and win the Champions League.

To Madeira. You were real to us.

38 years ago today:

The Nutcracker

Eindhoven, 1994.

A teenage prodigy touches down from Brazil ready to begin his Eredivisie adventure.

Mesmerising speed, both with and without the ball, allied with ice-cold precision in front of goal.

He was unlike anything we’d ever seen before.

He was Ronaldo Luis Nazário de Lima.

Fenomeno.

It’s the anniversary of this ruthless Ian Rush hat-trick on a frozen Friday night at Villa Park in 1984.

- Sidefoot
- Volley
- Lob

Goal machine.

It’s Steffen Freund’s birthday today. You remember him.

German international midfielder. Euro 96 and Champions League winner.

And close personal friend of Big Dunc...

It’s Ivan Zamorano’s birthday today.

Chilean goal poacher supreme.

And the original false nine.

It’s 36 years since The Rumble at Roker Park.

David Speedie and Gary Bennett have a difference of opinion that spills into the crowd.

The game descends into a Royal Rumble… until Big Cyrille Regis steams in to restore order.

The Beautiful Game.

It’s the 20th anniversary of this gutter filth from Guti.

Such a lack of respect for his fellow professionals.

14/01/00

Steve Guppy produces the Best Shit Clearance Of All Time.

Wait for the replay. Sensational use of the crossbar.

You can’t coach that.

27 years ago today Watford and Sheffield Wednesday are locked in a penalty shootout.

The deciding kick falls to Big Kevin Pressman.

“Panenkas? Not for me, pal. I’ll just give it some welly…”

This sublime John Barnes set-piece is 36 years old today.

He only needs one step to hit the top corner… and leave the keeper tangled hopelessly in the net.

Effortless.

TELLY GOLD: On the anniversary of Graham Taylor’s passing, a reminder of this delightful ad for Yellow Pages from back in the day.

Football lost a gentleman.

On behalf of CM01/02 fans everywhere, Happy Birthday to a true legend of the game.

From Cheltenham to the Champions League. Captain, Leader, Legend, and the man who taught Cafu everything he knows.

Thank you, Duffer. You were the best of us.

TELLY GOLD: On Bryan Robson’s birthday, a reminder of his tremendous cameo on “Jossy's Giants”.

Incredibly, he was beaten by Michael Gambon at the 1987 BAFTAs.

Those judges wouldn’t know talent if it slapped them in the face.

27 years ago in Serie A:

Simeone ➡️ Ronaldo
Ronaldo ➡️ Zamorano
Zamorano ➡️ Baggio
Baggio ⚽️

Six touches. Four legends. One glorious golazo.

That forward line was ridiculous.

It’s 36 years since a Swansea fan invaded the pitch (and scored) at Anfield in the FA Cup.

So much to enjoy here:

- The shoes
- The denim
- The melodic slow-mo
- And then the steward’s slide tackle that finally sends him sprawling

This is CINEMA.

Adrian Mutu is 47 today. You remember him.

👕13 clubs
🗒437 league games
⚽️161 goals

💊2 drugs bans
📰1 lifetime ban from national team

👍2 models married
👎🏻2 models divorced
👄1 blood-sucking tryst with a porn star

💰1 €17m fine

Carpe diem, son. Carpe diem…

32 years ago in the Clasico:

Romario enters the Seeya Later Hall of Fame.

“It’s showtime, pal. Get ready for some razzle dazzle…”

It’s 25 years since Big Dunc became the first person to drag an intruder back INSIDE his property.

Bring yer dinner.

TELLY GOLD: No finer way to celebrate Attilio Lombardo’s birthday than by watching him do the Lambada on Gazzetta Football Italia.

Weekend telly in the 90s was a wild ride.

It’s 36 years since David Hirst started the 90s in absolutely sensational style…

Today the Champ Man universe celebrates the birth of the Greatest Footballer You Never Saw.

Before Messi. Before Cristiano. There was a legend of your laptop. A prince of your PC.

Three words that changed your life forever.

Tonton. Zola. Moukoko.

21 years ago today:

A sensational shitwhistler from Leighton Baines at Portman Road.

You don’t stop those.

It’s been 26 years since a young Antonio Cassano scored his first Serie A goal.

Goodness me, look at that utter scoundrel of a first touch.

Sanitise hands after viewing.

It’s 35 years since a young Paul Gascoigne got the ball at Maine Road… and did this.

Fast and fearless. A frenzy of potential. This was Gazza with the world at his feet.

Every now and again I remember this Les Ferdinand outfit at a mid-90s Newcastle fashion show.

What days they were.

It’s Chris Waddle’s birthday. So here he is scoring The Greatest 6-a-side Goal of All Time.

Sweet mercy. That is sensational.

It’s Eoin Jess’ birthday today, so here he is activating the launch codes… and detonating.

What a fucking hit, son.

This week in 2008:

Football journalism has never been better.