Genie the Gentlethem Pirate

Zero billionaires are "on our side," they are by definition on the other side of the class struggle. Some of them are Democrats – this is an indictment of the Democrats rather than an absolution of the billionaires.

That emergency alert test just scared the bejesus outta me, good thing I wasn't still on the phone with a client when it happened or they would have heard me blurt out "Jesus tapdancing Christ!"

Last year I said I wished it could be Manchester Pride every day. This year I have decided any day CAN be Manchester Pride if you're gay enough.

What I have to tell my cheapskate Yorkshire braincell is, going out and enjoying my life isn't ✨️wasting✨️ money, it's getting my money's worth for the extortionate rent I pay to live in an exciting city in the first place

I've just been in a club that has a sign telling people to keep their shoes on on the dance floor, and with how sticky and covered in litter the floor is I cannot begin to fathom why this is something that anyone needs to be told, let alone enough people that it warrants a sign

I used to end nights out drunk and crying. Now I go home clear-headed, in control, and filled with affection and gratitude for the city I'm creating my life in.

I just left the house, realised I'm working 11 and a half hours today and I only have 50 pages left of my book, turned back round and went back home to pick up my next book just in case. I'm not being caught bookless at work, perish the thought!

When I got sober I realised I'd lost the ability to just go out on the town, alone, and have a good night. I thought well, I guess that was an unusual thing to be able to do alone anyway, and I should adjust to the loss of it.

I totally regained the skill, stronger than ever!

There should be an app for people like me who were cursed with the picky eater autism but who really do want to try new foods, where you put in the kind of stuff you already know you like and for a specific cuisine or restaurant it tells you what you might like

Please clap, I'm now only reading 5 books at once, down from a high of 8. I finished two yesterday, one of which I'd been on since January.

I'm about halfway through A Short History Of Trans Misogyny by Jules Gill-Peterson for socialist feminist book club, and it's really interesting, I recommend it.

I offered to work overtime today AND tomorrow because I'm an absolute madlad so my only day off in two weeks will be next Saturday.

Luckily I enjoy being here and I get to read books.

People really weren't kidding about the enormity of the fuck you stop giving in your 30s. What a hot and iconic age to be, I'm loving it.

Now I think back on all the fucks I gave about unfuckworthy things in my 20s, and I plan to claim my fucks back at the gates of hell.

I'm going back to the gym tomorrow, I've been unable to go for weeks because I was injured and my muscles are sad. Now I gotta get re-muscled 💪

Talking in the office about how I'm chill with the hot weather but then I stepped out in it at hometime like oh no this is like living up Satan's bumhole actually what the fuck

Remember when the New York Times had to stop including photos of Luigi in articles about him because he's too hot and they were trying in vain to shut down the outpouring of public adoration for him

It's a double-edged sword on the days when my favourite colleague is in the office cos work's more fun but on the other hand I get less reading done cos we're yapping

Why does the fascist regime in the US have to give everything a stupid name? DOGE, Alligator Alcatraz... It's like they're adding a calculated insult to injury by being as crass and cringe about it as possible as they destroy lives. The banality of evil writ large.

It feels refreshing and luxurious for my brain to just get off social media for a bit and read or write something without stopping to doomscroll every five seconds, and I had to come back to social media for a moment just to tell yous, in case other people didn't know about this

Bootlickers shocked by Mahmoud Khalil continuing to protest after being released.

Yeah what do you mean subjecting him to injustice for opposing injustice DIDN'T convince him that he should be totally chill with injustice from now on? 🙄

He's a brave, principled man.

From the warmongering chauvinist pillocks who brought us "there are oppressed gay people in Palestine, surely bombing them will help," we're now hearing a lot of "there are oppressed women in Iran, surely bombing them will help."

Shut up shut up shut up 🙄

I've like, barely doomscrolled today. This is a good feeling.

I walked into the office and two people said happy birthday, I was confused cos my birthday was a month ago, turns out HR have sent out an email telling everyone it's my birthday today 😭😂

I've been on a protest march for trans rights this afternoon 🏳️‍⚧️ A few lonely terves showed up trying to agitate and we all chanted "shame!" at them. Hate is outnumbered in our fabulous city.

The funny thing is, when you have a sexuality that falls through the cracks between lesbian and bisexual, whichever way you choose to label yourself will inevitably be deemed wrong.

The empowering thing is I don't actually have to give a fuck, I don't owe anyone specificity.

Luigi contains multitudes and I don't like hearing opinions on him from people who only contain a single tude (such as New York Post journalists)

I've hurt my back at the gym and I'm not being very brave about it.

Why is my spine a cursed, crumbling artefact?

So it's been two years since I poured the last of the leftover wine from the night before out my bedroom window instead of drinking it and almost splashed the Evri courier by mistake because I am a clown.

I'm still a clown but a healthy one now. Like the Anti Ronald Mcdonald.

Omg it was my soberversary yesterday. I chose that day to never drink again so it would be the first day of Pride month and that'd be neat then I forgot it 💀

Manchester isn't a city that is often romanticised in the popular imagination, but I'm very happy to do that by myself. This place is my Paris, Berlin and New York all rolled into one and I don't care who laughs.