Xanxost

A dead elf. It does not fight back as much! Easier on the tummy.

Xanxost was trapped in a Maze for a while. All because the Lady cannot take a joke! Or a pun or a gag or a wisecrack or a prank or a scream or a shriek or a howl or a yelp or the soothing high-pitched squeal an elf makes in the two seconds between when its throat is ripped and when it dies.

Oho! Wearing lunch on your head saves a lot of time! The only problem is you cannot wait to eat it so it becomes breakfast and then you have to wear dinner on your head for lunch and then when it is time for dinner you have to eat whatever elf is closest. Actually that is not a problem at all.

Laura Palmer in the Red Room, doing a weird hand gesture (from the Twin Peaks TV show)

Hello mortals! Some of you say Sigil is shaped like a donut. Oho! The truth is donuts are shaped like Sigil! The dabus make them in a secret bakery and send them into the multiverse so people think about Sigil and make the Lady of Pain stronger.

The donut holes represent the Abyss, of course.

Most mortals do not know that the astral dreadnought on the book cover is Xanxost’s old friend Manuel. When they told him the name of the book he got very excited and gave a big smile for the picture! It is too bad they spelled his name wrong.

Xanxost has written other books too! One of them is a book of recipes for elves. It is called Xanxost's Book of Recipes for Elves. A lot of elves heard about it and said "Thank you Xanxost for spreading awareness of things that elves like to eat" and then they read the book and said "oh."

Okay, Xanxost will tell her that you like to regard her! She is very interested to hear about mortals who do that.

Xanxost once tried to write a book called 1001 Ways to Get Mazed, but the research took too long.

Xanxost went to an event like this once but Xanxost misunderstood what you were supposed to do with the kittens at the event so Xanxost was told to leave the event.

Mortals always ask Xanxost if the city of Sigil is pronounced with a hard G or a soft G. Oho! It is very simple! It is pronounced just like the G in the word gif.

"But Xanxost," you cry. "Do not the slaadi eat people's faces too?"

Yes! But most of the time, those people did not vote for us to do that. We just did it because we were hungry or mad or hungry or bored or hungry or happy or hungry.

Hello mortals! Xanxost sees many of you laughing about leopards eating people's faces. Xanxost once saw cranium rats eating an elf's face and it *was* very funny, so Xanxost understands! (Xanxost is the one who strapped the cranium rats to the elf's face, but that does not make it not funny.)

Sometimes Xanxost misses that depraved evil plane with the infinite layers of violence, the one where all the demons fight to see who is the most cruel and there are no rules and the weak are tortured and eaten and every day is a new horror. But then Xanxost remembers why Xanxost left Twitter.

Hello mortals! Xanxost used to talk to you at the tweeter before the muskoloth fixed it, the same way you would fix a puppy or a quasit or an elf. A Prime human in a big hat once said he was fixin' to punch Xanxost so Xanxost fixed him first. Xanxost still has the hat!