kate

If you’ve seen one bear attack you’ve seen a maul.

take my hand, it’s time to kitchen dance

don’t make me turn this country around

Dammit I just don’t have time for all this nonsense today*

* has all day

i did it for a klondike bar, your honor

hot dog vendor didn't notice i said "franks a lot". louder next time.

*falling into a bog*

me: oh, for peat's sake

wooing back mutuals with my bog rocking beats

it’s important to know that anything is possible. you want to lose those last five pounds? you got this. you want to harness the long forgotten souls of the damned to enact vengeance upon your enemies and bring irreparable harm that they deserve? again, you got this.

Them: speaking in Gaelic

Me: pretty sure they just evoked an ancient curse.

I feel my prettiest when I’m wearing my candy necklace and bracelet.

The world is full of sourdough bakers and people who nurse injured birds back to health, scientists studying the lunar migration of moths, farmers who want to restore health back to the tired soil, and hippies who hug trees and dream of moss 💚

Yes that is a pancake in my pocket.

don't go viral, go fungal

I call every living thing including humans creatures. we say of our dog, "look at this creature" many times per day.

the stain on my shirt is from butter so it’s more like a badge of honor

*refers to my skeets as my literature

All the shopping carts you never returned are going to show up at your house tonight for a reckoning. They know what you didn't do.

your honor, at the time of the incident my client was in "goblin mode" wiki How to Win in Small Claims Court

Wow, the colours on your tortie are magnifique! They’re beautiful!

a bunch of ceramic trays shaped like loafing cats lined up on a white background, each cat is different

more cats!! you've seen them already but now I have a better photo
Also, shop update will be on the 12th not 16th! I'll make a bigger post about it soon
#ceramics #internationalcatday #cats

Who up yeeting theyself off the map?

Me: (birdwatching) ooo a brown one

Could really go for a deep-dish Reese’s pieces sundae right about now…

We all got that one homie that's enthralled by a cursed amulet

The (adjective+est) way to (verb) this entire (noun) is just to (verb) all of the those (adjective) (plural noun).

Congratulations! You've read enough posts to earn a free personal pizza! It'll arrive via snail mail or pony express depending on regional availability.

the peace I feel when I see how green the trees look after the rain, that’s how I wanna feel forever

SHE SAID YES!

I asked her if I was bothering her.

wow i need to log off i heard a bunch of seagull commotion on my way home and literally my first thought was “ooh, a lot of discourse happening in the seagull community”