@jessefernandez.bsky.social
Be in bed by 10pm.
AI is such a powerful artistic tool that the more you use it to make your art, the less your art is your art.
02.02.2026 02:17 — 👍 0 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0A guy tried to convince me to get a water pick by telling me it’s like a bidet for teeth.
31.12.2025 19:37 — 👍 0 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0Nice haircut!
16.12.2025 07:43 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Me to niece: In the 90s
[niece immediately trying to leave]
Me: This is IMPORTANT—90s we had to rub the delete button of a pencil directly on the writing we didn’t like.
I tried the water-in-Mexico diet, and I hit my 6-month target weight in 2 days. Highly recommended.
14.12.2025 05:22 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Guy in the bathroom stall at Target is playing porn loudly. Wtf dude, this isn’t Walmart.
08.12.2025 05:12 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Cactus: I stab, what’s your defense?
Poison ivy: Poison.
Onion, confidently peering over glass of scotch: I make my attacker look sad.
One of the miracles of being stoned is that you’ll make yourself a snack, leave the room and come back to the surprise that a snack had appeared there.
27.11.2025 16:11 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0When you hear someone is “riddled” with something, the sentence never ends well. It’s never like, “Arthur got his test results. He’s riddled with charisma.”
20.11.2025 05:02 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Hahahaha
11.11.2025 15:18 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Every fountain is a drinking fountain if you give zero fucks about sanitation and social standing.
11.11.2025 05:36 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0Isaac Newton hides behind his bed. Desperately quiets his breath. Sweat drips.
The doorknob turns.
That apple rolls in, back to finish the fucking job.
Flying Squirrel Loves It Every Time
Flying Squirrel Loves It Every Time
05.11.2025 23:00 — 👍 13821 🔁 2318 💬 112 📌 86
Twinsies!
05.11.2025 05:14 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Nobody self-identifies as racist. It’s like a vampire’s inability to see his reflection in a mirror: You have to learn it about yourself through other indications, like by catching yourself saying “Mmmm blood,” or “I’m not a racist, but...”
04.11.2025 05:44 — 👍 2 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0That maps super well
03.11.2025 02:21 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Just ate the absolute best cantaloupe I’ve ever had in my life. It was mediocre.
03.11.2025 02:19 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0Not knowing how to cook was exciting. Every ingredient was like a Chopped mystery basket ingredient. 20-year-old me was like “What am I supposed to do with pasta AND pasta sauce? Make a sandwich?”
02.11.2025 00:03 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Lasagna is pasta cake.
30.10.2025 19:18 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Me after eating an individually packaged cookie: What a nice snack
Me after eating 30 cookies because they’re not individually packaged: What a nice snack, my stomach hurts for some reason
I will always regret not buying this sexy Jean-Luc Picard painting.
27.10.2025 04:12 — 👍 4 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Cats are jerks. If a cat is licking you, it’s likely just wiping cat ass hair from its tongue.
25.10.2025 05:34 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0People say North Koreans are poorly educated victims of a propaganda state, but North Korea just reported its literacy rate is 110% so who’s the real dummy?
19.10.2025 22:51 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0I can’t believe “127 Hours” wasn’t called “Between a Rock and a Hard Place”
19.10.2025 16:18 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Big thanks to Apple for adding this face 😩 for all those times we need a "sad orgasm" emoji
14.10.2025 05:44 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Cat experts say when a cat leaves a mouse at your doorstep, they’re trying to feed you. But let’s cut the bullshit—that cat is telling you you’re next.
28.09.2025 22:22 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Reminds me of this: youtu.be/bar3GOzDNzg?...
22.09.2025 05:30 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0Some Bible stories are a liiiittle wacky.
22.09.2025 05:10 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0What if God had told Abraham to kill his son & Abraham did it without hesitation before God had a chance to tell him he was just kidding. We should all think our pranks through more carefully.
21.09.2025 01:37 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0Never understood why there is a happily-push-you-off-a-cliff emoji. 🤗
20.09.2025 15:42 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
