Matt Asay

Remember when you were little, and you would just pick a thing to put in your pocket that day? A toy, a rock, whatever? We should do that more. We could show everyone we meet this physical, tangible thing, instead shoving a screen in a face.

You ever make some "just in case PBJ's"? As idea's go, it's my Sistine Chapel. JICPBJ's rule.

If I were a 'hugger', as I'd hug someone, I'd let out small farts as the hugged back. If acknowledged, I'd hug them a bit longer. Continued as they acknowledge them. But please, don't hug me.

Ham, is for Jesus holidays. Turkey is for the good ones. There's no Jesus in Thanksgiving, FAMILY! STOP HAVING SOMEONE BRING HAM TO DINNER!! I'M NOT THANKFUL FOR THAT! GIVE ME FAT BIRD!!!

When I get to heaven, I hope the halo I get is halo 3.

I played my first D&D game at 40. I dove headfirst into being the guy who goes "I'm gonna try something stupid..." I don't think I'd want to play any other way. Also, you can turn into animals, OF COURSE I'm going to do that at the dumbest times! You should know me by now!

My favorite thing I use to punctuate an inane fact I just discovered is, "what a time to be alive." Cause, man, what a time to be alive.

My sister's name is Kate, but we all just us K8 when writing it cause I don't remember. But now it's a thing. She married a N8. And when I put on one of those "My Name is" dealios, I write "M@". Did that answer it?

I was once asked to draw a unicorn, so they got this.

I think about this Sentinel "hiding" a lot.

Did you miss your float?

Sometimes, when I eat a Twinkie, I think of that scene in Ghostbusters in the basement, and go, "That's a big Twinkie...". It helps. Ghostbusters helps.

Oooo, just so you guys know... I'm not that Matt Asay you're looking for... I'm the one who was on Where in Time is Carmen Sandiego...

If it's 69° where I am, that means on the other side of the world, it's 111°. Right? I know math.

Oooo...

Blue sky.

I'm new to D&D, so I can't say I'm good at it, but turning into a horse to carry our loot chests into a Baldur Bank only for everyone to freak out and me turn back into myself and drop the chests only to have them burst and scatter loot everywhere, that, that makes me happy. Genuinely happy.

OH! I thought this was about me, but it's that other guy. Good, sounds more like Matt Assey to me.

My mom made me a cloak for Halloween one year, and since it snowed super early in October, she made it outta thick black wool. While all my friends put coats on over their Ghostbuster costumes, I was the coziest Dracula that night.

Remember that time that Elon launched one of his cars into space? Like wtfuh? Guys, why didn't we see it? So 'kooky' that guy... I bet he smells like old wood that's been in your grandparents garage for like waaay too long, but from an old person's eyeballs, is still good for something?

Look, if we can't talk about the elephant in the room, then this peanut intervention is for nothing.