Jill.jpeg

The gaps in my resume?! That’s where the light gets in.

The good news is that I passed my annual eye exam (read all the letters on the wall). The bad news is I have been diagnosed with dyslexia (read all the letters on the wall out of order).

No, Apple Support, I’m not doing well. And now I’m doing worse.

Lost my keys. Found them on my everything bagel. Because the bagel has everything. That’s the joke, folks.

I think the “YOU” from Crank That Soulja Boy could wake me from a coma

What do you mean “do I let my dog onto the bed?” I would put him on my life insurance

I consider the sentence “I’m thinking of rewatching BoJack Horseman” to be a discreet cry for help

I always knew about the em dash and today I learned about the en dash so yeah, you could say I’m having a pretty big day

That’s quite the commitment but I respect it!

Are you an almost thirty year old with a folder of stickers you’ve collected since your age was a single digit, because you were to scared to ever commit yourself to using the stickers, or are you normal?

Killing the vibes at karaoke by performing Waiting Room by Phoebe Bridgers

I’m still waiting for them to make jam fish or perhaps marmaladefish

Including the line “I hope this email finds you well” in a no reply, job application rejection email is nefarious

I’m not really sure what a starter pack is and at this point I’m too afraid to ask

I don't care how long ago your Hot Topic phase was when Black Parade by My Chemical Romance comes on you WILL be the savior of the broken, the beaten and the damned

Thinking about cancelling my vision insurance and throwing away all of my contacts because these days a lot of things keep happening all at once and I’ve Seen Enough

Oh look, I escaped Twitter