Tim Sal

💯

I don't know about you, but if I hear the word
"obliterated" any more, l'm gonna funnel bourbon till im so bombed im also not operational for 4-6 months.

My stock portfolio took such a beating yesterday I heard it singing What’s Love Got To Do With It. Thought this shitdick was supposed to be a financial genius? I know most of you MAGA mouth breathers retirement plans are just dank memes and Mountain Dew, but i guess fuck the rest of us.

Did you know that it’s only considered moronic if it comes from a particular region of “truth” social, otherwise it’s just sparkling stupid…

@schumer.senate.gov

Dear Chuck Schumer,

You’re a feckless joke, and that dumb story you tell at every graduation about your college girlfriend leaving you at the airport….she left you because you have no balls. Thanks for selling us out you coward.

Primary every one of these dinosaurs.

Trump: Tesla is Elon’s baby!

Tesla Stockholders: Oh so that’s why he hasn’t been involved with it.

#deadbeatdad

In the liquor store, can anyone tell me what pairs best with economy crippling, nonsensical trade war, 90 year foreign policy reversal and our tax dollars being chopped up by the wealthy like Elon’s Ketamine pile? I was going to say a Syrah blend, but i feel like the correct answer is heroin.

Did Glenn ask Elon that question when he wore a hat and t-shirt, or did he immediately just present his asshole to Elon for a proper DOGE’ing?

I’m very much looking forward to the “My House Has A Flat Tire Tour.”, coming to your local Chili’s this summer.

Maybe it’s not a good idea to let a goofy ass, mentally ill, sociopathic, ketamine addict with a god complex, a botched penial implant , and more plugs in his head than if a Radio Shack fucked a PC Richards, have the most money in the world….just a thought. #defundElon #TaxTheRich

Just sayin…..

Roses are red,
I hate to be blunt,
If you see a MAGA,
Boo their mother’s cun….

Not just any open mic, a Long Island open mic filled with every unfunny edge lord racist you can imagine. Two item minimum for five minutes.

Measles outbreak expands in West Texas around county with low vaccination rate | CNN A measles outbreak is growing in a rural area of West Texas where vaccination rates are well below the recommended level.

I’ve been rewatching the old Michael Caine’s guide to acting so I can practice my shocked look. #youdontsay #JabsAtAntiVaxxers

www.cnn.com/2025/02/07/h...

Conservatives warning about George Soros but make the footage Elon Musk

Lot of retirement and college funds are about to go down faster tomorrow than the First Lady for a green card. #welcometotheshitshow

Except when the subject is gullible. Sometimes it be what it be 🫶🏻

You are 100% right, You don’t have to be white to be gullible 🤷🏻‍♂️. Thank you for breaking the color barrier on that one I guess.

Fun Fact! The combined net worth of the tech CEOs in attendance is "F**k the homeless" billion dollars

For a group of people who thump their chests and act tough, “daddy’s home” is some real cuck beta shit. Mrs Freud, your slip is showing.

The people lecturing us on “DEI” and “meritocracy” are a Fox host being nominated to run the world’s most powerful military and a failed businessman with 6 bankruptcies who is going to run the world’s largest economy.

GOP-led House votes to ban transgender athletes from women’s sports | CNN Politics The House voted on Tuesday to pass a GOP-led bill that would ban transgender athletes from women’s and girls’ sports at federally funded schools and educational institutions.

Phew, I was just saying to myself at my third job that the most pressing issue in this country is women’s sports.

www.cnn.com/2025/01/14/p...

Maybe, and hear me out here, but maybe, QANON Trumpers vote in all these pedo’s and rapists just prove themselves right? #thatsonewaytodoit

Jon Stewart on the GOP's hypocrisy when it comes to natural disasters in red versus blue states

Fragile bunch of bitches, every last one of them. I hope there’s profound sadness every time Mike Johnson has to pull down Trumps diaper to kiss his liver spotted ass.

I say California withholds all its federal tax dollars if Mickey Mouse Mike Johnson wants to fuck around and find out. #fuckingclownshow.

So Wicked is pretty much 3 hours of getting me to sympathize with someone who, spoiler alert, eventually dies?……Ok I guess. #Wicked

Clearly an unpopular opinion but Joe Rogan is just Joel Osteen for dudes under 6 feet who don’t have the attention span to read past the headline.

Ahhh America, where instead of admitting we fucked ourselves by letting billionaires control everything, we just call a shed a viable housing resource because who can afford to live at this point. Things are going great. #isthisreallife