ColdChef, at your service

At the end of the movie “Bubble Boy” (in which we laughed all the way through), a guy came over to my friend and me and asked what we were on because that was the dumbest movie he’d ever seen and there was no way we weren’t drunk or high. I still stand by that movie. Hilarious.

I’ve never seen it. It’s pretty fun.

Follow me on Letterboxd, fools.

Throwing myself an Irish music film festival.
•Kneecap
•The Commitments
•Once
•Bono & The Edge: A Sort of Homecoming with Dave Letterman
•Sing Street

I’m a funeral director. Every day I work with families who’ve lost someone. In recent past, I’ve found myself thinking, “Well, at least they don’t have to stay around and watch everything go to shit,” when what I SHOULD be thinking is, “It’s a shame they won’t be here when everything gets better.”

A photo of Willie Nelson, beloved by both the Left and the Right, with the quote: "AUSTIN CITY LIMITS AND PBS WERE AND ARE AN ESSENTIAL PART OF EDUCATION, UNDERSTANDING, CURIOSITY AND EMPATHY, WHICH ARE THE ESSENTIALS AND BUILDING BLOCKS OF HUMANITY." - WILLIE NELSON

I find myself wondering how the Corporation for Public Broadcasting shutting down will affect Red State favorite “Austin City Limits.”

I love this.

Deathcall. Nursing home.

So much Rod Stewart.

Guys With Pickup Outside Funeral Parlor Will Bury Grandma For Cheaper

Guys With Pickup Outside Funeral Parlor Will Bury Grandma For Cheaper theonion.com/guys-wi...

I love you.

Deathcall. Hospice house. Completing the set.

A motorcycle, fully aflame. I made an illegal U-turn to go back and get this photo. I notified the owner, who was nearby getting a haircut.

Just another boring day in Louisiana.

2 deathcalls within five minutes. One at the hospice house, one at a residence. Going to be a busy weekend.

Age verification? Until I was fifteen, I went to a barber whose reading material was exclusively Playboy magazine.

Plumussy.

These new Louisiana laws go into effect August 1: Frogging, kratom ban, window tint, more Kratom, car window tint, frogging, driving in the left lane, "poppers" and abortion are all the subject of new Louisiana laws that take effect August 1.

New Louisiana laws now allow for handguns near schools, at parades, and when you're frog hunting at night. Now illegal? Controlling the weather like some sort of rain god.

www.theadvocate.com/baton_rouge/...

By popular request: the moment I nearly got snuffed.

Same. I don’t want to die from “roofing.” It would ruin the dead pool odds that are set on “jealous husband/wife.”

I got “final destination-ed” today. We’re replacing the roof on the funeral home and as I walked up, a circular saw fell from the roof, missing me by seconds. Tell your friends you love them, sometimes death is quick and stupid. (Also: the incident got caught by our security camera!)

I also have a friend with perfect handwriting and every letter from her is a gift and I will not name her here because other friends hate her for her penmanship perfection.

I absolutely understand the absurdity of taking issue with the logic of a movie with a talking rock.

Some of you have texted me about this and it seems that I am—in fact—in the minority of people who are flummoxed by this black-hole sized plot problem.

My criticism of “The Fantastic Four” movie makes me feel like I’m taking crazy pills. I won’t spoil anything here, but there’s a plot point that is so asinine that either I misunderstood it or every other viewer just shrugged and said, “Sure, why not?”

It stole my moves!

At least it wasn’t raisins.

(I am joking because I love raisins in cookies. And don’t care for semen in them.)

Flashing it at the movies to get your ticket feels like some Buck Rogers shit.

Nothing like chatting with a tipsy bridesmaid. Can’t recommend it strongly enough.

Have to go to my weird insulated small town for the funeral of an estranged relative. I hope I don't uncover any dark secrets or labyrinthine conspiracies involving my late relative's connection to the historical legacy of the town.

If you sit backwards on the toilet, you have a place to put your laptop.