Wilbur72

do the people who listen to counting crows realize they don't have to?

I bring my phone with me to every room in my house because eventually I'm going to have to make that call . . . "I've fallen and I can't get up"

Some of you could do with a hobby that isn't just complaining on social media

being blocked is one thing
being ignored, hurts

If Jeffrey Dahmer says “I’ve got your back” he’s not being supportive.

[getting ready to leave the house]

🎶 off to see the wizard 🎶 (yawns drools burps)

Anchor: Thanks Carol. Now let’s go to Bob with the weather.

Bob: ITS REALLY F*CKING COLD!!

Anchor: And now here’s Tim with sports.

I'm going to World's End just so I can ask Don to show me his yule log.

The holidays always make me go back to when we decorated our tree with way too many lights.

We walked outside to see how it looked and some neighbors walked by and said, "Man, that's fucking bright."

2100 lights. I had to unplug appliances to keep it from blowing fuses.

16 more positions until Christmas....

Please accept my apology so I can do it again.

I like eating babies and laughing but I hate commas

I was told that I like and re-skeet "as if I get paid to do this"

This has to be the nicest thing anyone has ever told me.

A Fraggle Rock porn in which Red has a gangbang with the Doozers

Artist Bummer Party or rusty.creates - 1 - santa looking at a list 'he's making a list' 2 - the list says 'dave nick albert todd john luca yasir richard ronals bob pat guillermo' - he's checking it twice. 3 - the sleigh santa and reindeers in silhouette of moon - he's gonna find out 4 - who's fucking his wife [santa looking in window with clothes scattered - and a silhouette behind the bed of wives legs in the air]

Artist: Bummer Party

Been dealing with MFA so much that the MF no longer stands for "multi factor".

One minute you think you have it all and then you risk everything on one last high-stakes game of Go Fish and suddenly all you have left are the memories and a sippy cup full of Gatorade and broken dreams.

BYU being a Mormon university gives an entirely different meaning to "third down conversion".

People who feel existential dread on Mondays are amateurs. I feel existential dread every day. Get on my level.

Looking out into the world, I say softly, "But mom, I don't want to go to school today."

My hopelessness waves to your hopelessness.

With the skills and abilities I have at talking myself out of bed in the morning, I should be a hostage negotiator.

God I hope the Chiefs lose, despite the ref’s best efforts

People never “sit corrected“

For some reason they’re always standing

Today’s band name:
The Sex Hobbits

“Now streaming“

- Me, after 5-6 beers

sometimes the unfollowers are the ones we should have been

or something like that

(reading my posts) so naughty 😆

(goes to Discover tab) 👀 🫢

(re-reading my posts) 😕 milquetoast

someday i'll post good on bsky dot app

not today

My dad turns 79 tomorrow, and my oldest son turns 29 in a couple weeks. I remain 35 eternally.