Wilbur72

The phrase "face value" was probably coined by an attractive person.

Moshing to the aol dial-up sound

Calories don't count if they don't satisfy your craving.

always a bridesmaid
never in a scircle

I'd say I’m pleased to meet you but we both know that I would be lying.

Remember when used to ignore a person out of existence?

Not just cancelling, but overtly not paying attention until that person didn't even exist?

You should try it.

I feel like this photo of masked, armed men pepper spraying a pastor protecting his community is going to be a defining picture of this moment in America for a long, long time.

My uncle Earl is really dumb. This one time I said “Drinks are on the house” and this mofo went and got a ladder.

When I was little I called fog "frog," so even now when I see fog I say it's froggy out, but I know what fog is SO SHUT UP ABOUT IT.

Especially heading somewhere tropical

I’ve been deemed a ‘flight risk’.

That means I’m likely to drink a whole flight of margaritas.

Sorry for trying to swipe left on your bluesky profile.

Moisturizing daily with top quality skin lotion, not for me, but for the artisan who’ll one day make me into a table lamp.

a little girl in a red jacket is looking up at something in a gif from 4gifs.com ALT: a little girl in a red jacket is looking up at something in a gif from 4gifs.com

Your friends joke that you need therapy.

Mine joke that I need an exorcism. We are not the same.

who wanna see the mastodon in my pants

Friend: What are you up to?
Me: Going to get glasses
Friend: What about after that?
Me: I’ll see

Sentences ending with question marks leads to requiring answers.

I don't see that happening.

bluesky is where one goes to stay up to date on current events if you like your daily news dripping with sarcasm and maybe some fondue

I just typed “fuck off Nazi” into the internet so yeah, I’m totally fine.

Why buy the human when you can get the blood for free?

- gross vampires probably

To shit or nap. One will make me feel better, and the other is a nap.

@twosense.bsky.social 🎂 🎈

I see you over there looking at your Apple Watch like a Power Ranger.

Wait, are we playing Rapture Remix today?

[some excuse 13 days blah blah blah calendar mix up blahblahblah]

Anyway, gonna need two more DPS, a tank, and a healer if we're gonna run this Rapture Remix dungeon.

Who called it heterosexual dating instead of "navigating through the straights"?

I quit cold turkey

Now I only eat it warm

Reverse pig, cause I’m antifa

Today’s band name:
Airport Zombies

or

Groaning in Time

Laying in bed thinking about work in the morning should be some sort of partial credit.