LovelyDeep

You can’t get all your history from Schoolhouse Rock because nothing rhymes with “massacre”.

one can never truly learn how to crash out without first learning how to crash within

Recoiling in horror implies that first coil wasn’t enjoyed at all.

But I meant fuckface in a good way

well, can a guy on drugs do THIS

interviewer: i haven’t asked any questions

Life hack: instead of paying movers just give all your stuff away

that puckered up kissy face selfie isn’t going to get you out of this one

I bruised my knees on the floor and I wasn’t even doing anything fun

This day in history. 1978. National Cat Day in Japan. Go out dressed as a cat or risk losing face in the eyes of the Executive Cat Day Committee.

shitposter is an anagram of "repost shit"

(watching porn) what the hell.. I don’t think he loves her

people just don’t let the bodies hit the floor like they used to

I’m shy at first and then gradually turn insane.

You’re the quiet answer to a loud day…..

just thinking about xc skiing 50k forced me to call my dr for an inhaler.

Do I know who you are? No. I don’t even wanna know who I am.

My pelvic floor is now so powerful it can defeat men with a single pulse.

ask your doctor if being a dumb bitch on the internet is right for you

can’t believe i evolved from primordial ooze for this *gestures to everything*

with this blunt, i thee wed

I bought an SUV and immediately a delivery truck showed up in my driveway to drop off a pair of New Balance sneakers, a newborn and a wonderfold stroller.

Thank you. :)

Omg!

Sorry your BF thinks “labia majora” is a constellation.

Empires fall.

Villages endure.

*kisses the chip on your shoulder

Never stop finding the beauty in simply being alive. Things may be really shitty right now, but the sun still rises and sets in a magical fashion.

Predictive analytics should have told you I was gonna skeet about your mom’s sweater bunnies

Some days the world mutes you.