Marty

The normal rules of having something better to do don't always apply

While back at Costco some older women were out of their cars arguing in a foreign language over a parking spot they were both nosed into. I walk up and tell one hey I'm gonna pull out right here you can have it no need to fight! After a beat she was like thanks but SHE NEEDS TO KNOW and went back in

Got Game 3 tickets, don't really have a horse in the race I just want Bregman to have a good time

Six Flags Over Six More Flags

E6B - Wikipedia

The FAA still requires you to learn to use a slide rule flight computer ("E6B") to get a pilot license. They're pretty nifty: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/E6B

The AI disclaimer writes itself though. AVOID USING COPILOT TO CO PILOT

NO GROK I SPECIFICALLY SAID IN THE PROMPT: NOT-LASAGNA HANDS

Ngl I thought a Dyson Sphere was what I been pulling out the vacuum since we got a dog. It doesn't itself seem to solve a lot of problems, unless maybe you're the dog

It overlooked that TX-38 will be shifted to become Italy

Early findings of my double blind study where no one says sorry don't show a statistically significant difference

Bucees novelty "weather rock if it's wet it's raining" ass medicine

Broken toe is one of those things you pay the copay to confirm but the official remedy is like "you're gonna want to wait for it to not be broken anymore"

Ok but if we're doing a trolley problem here those other six dummy kids were completely fine

Why not just put the fountain behind plexiglass doors you need an associate to come over and open for you

He's visibly not breathing! I know a lot of Irish folks and without exception they all respirate. He must be holding one long breath in that neck of his

I am ready to serve the Astros

I once made my little brother walk home from the playground after falling off the slide, because he could still wiggle all his toes. My mom took him for an X-ray and it was broken in six places

"The District Sleeps Alone Tonight (Outside the Sleeping Area There Is a Carbon Monoxide Alarm)"

I asked if I could at least pull the sweet Sony stereo out first and he said "no that's why they're giving you $200"

When I traded it in the guy asked me what I wanted for it and then did the write it on a pad and slide it over thing. The number he wrote was $200

To be fair my wife did once lock the keys in the saturn and then work an entire night shift at the hospital. They keys were in the ignition, engine running, on the side of the road in Harlem

I was forced to sell my Saturn ten years ago because "we're gonna lock the baby in the car." Keeps a parent honest imo

The Slim Jim lobby wants to bring manual locks and windows back again and I am for it

IT'S AN INVASION!

Whoops All Pain Amplifiers

Today's Top Picks: Groom Killed Hours After Wedding, Wife Feet Away They Call It the White Thing Dangerous Places You Have to Visit Gross Conch Tarantulas Have Venom! Hyena Vs. Lion

I got this list of really good 2000s band names from The Weather Channel sidebar once

The data would NEVER

"I'd like that Mike's Way. Do you know Michael?" The guy at 4th Avenue No Pork Halal offers me more duck sauce. He gets it.

1990 Fleer "Action Series" card with quiz questions about the Houston Astros

If you're 20-30 and your main circle isn't discussing:

* If a fly ball hits the roof of the Astrodome
* The first home run in the Astrodome
* The original name of the Astrodome
* The original name of the Astros

Then it's time to elevate your circle

The Substance bit was classic but it fucked my 5 year old up. That's what you get man next time get in bed at 7 like I asked, you don't wanna be out here at 7:05

If you watch to the credits at the end it's Despecialized 2.5