Emma Sutton

It's hard to have hope as my daughter has been let down for years

My son's attendance is heading to about 25% and most of that isn't in lessons

If he could get expelled, he'd get specialist school quicker

Time to apply for an EHCP...

I find it "want to throw up" anxiety inducing in me

Where is the training for neurotypical children to accept, embrace and welcome neurodiverse children??

My AuDHD children have been excluded, bullied, denied their experience, silenced, marginalised, punched, set upon & worse.

Until inclusion starts with their peers, then there is no such thing.

In the car, driving to school...

Five minutes from home

"I can't go in"

I know there's nothing I can say
Because I can't change his mind, his experience, his wiring, how school is for him

I want to sob (I cry a little)
I wish I knew what to do.

We turnaround.
He smiles.

These last minutes....

"Time to go" not too loud, too urgent (even though my urge to be on-time is having a proper hissy fit)

No response
And breathe
"Just going to the loo"

Even once we're in the car, things can happen that means we turn around and come home (like his friend saying he's not in)

I ask him what snacks he'd like in his rucksack

"I don't know"

He's on the edge and I choose for him. On a better day he'll choose what I pack but not today.

My heart aches that this is so hard for him. That school is fear, panic, anxiety.

This world is not inclusive, AuDHD is not embraced.

The school-refusal dance

Will they/ won't they?
Tip toeing around potential land mines that ensure he won't go
Leaving it to the last minute to check if he's dressed
Too many nudges, tip him over

I hear movement in his bedroom - we might make it

These last ten minutes are crucial
#AuDHD life

Big Emotions Monday
Youngest = school refusal = "go away"
Eldest = out of spoons before I woke her at 1.30pm for specialist school visit = "go away" at volume

Shouting, sullenness, anxiety, fear - it ripples off the kids & into me....

I don't want to, but I feel their pain
It's hard to bear

I'm with the Boomtown Rats re: Mondays

They have been routinely the most emotionally charged, soul destroying day of the week since term began

Predictably awful is not how I want my week to begin (might officially start it on Sundays)

It's all useful - I'm on a bitesize learning curve as my brain's easily overwhelmed

We've only recently joined the dots re: autism & ADHD (last two years) and son not yet diagnosed

Masking for my daughter was going on for 5 years (we knew she was masking way before we knew she was AuDHD)

A gig or theatre trip?
A skydive or Go Ape experience?
An afternoon tea at a castle?

EastEnders' Kellie Bright on the challenges of being a Send parent The soap actor meets families fighting for their children’s education for BBC Panorama.

EastEnders' Kellie Bright on the challenges of being a SEND parent. We were pleased to help with research for this BBC Panorama documentary. But never forget—NONE of the crisis is families’ fault and SNJ will keep holding those responsible to account
www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/...

And I mostly can only deduce that by asking - they have little ability to disguise the truth

It's odd to me (still learning the nuances of AuDHD) that they mask convincingly in some situations (fooling many) but struggle to lie convincingly when asked a direct, unambiguous question

I never realised how much of my communication was imprecise, unclear, vague or dishonest until my children came to point it out

AuDHD children hold me to a higher standard, because they point out / take advantage of all the loopholes in my words

It is. Often speech/ texting is vague or unclear, either deliberately (when we build in wiggle room) or accidentally.

My teens need a yes or a no.
My daughter told me that my "maybe" always meant "no" when she was about six.

We get lazy with words until someone needs precision

#AuDHD

It's also checking how often they feel I "promised" aka committed 1000% when I was simply open to the idea and didn't give a firm refusal

This is typical
Teen: You promised
Me: When? What exactly did I say?
Teen: You said you'd get me new shoes
Me: Is that a promise or just an intention?

Having AuDHD teens means constantly checking how my words could be interpreted

Me: I'll do it after tea (vaguely between tea & bed)
Teen: now? (The second my fork goes down)

Me: did you eat the last cookie last night?
Teen: nope (they ate it earlier/ they ate all of them not just the last)

Art is by @katieababy

No he's not - he's undergoing diagnosis and then the waiting list is months (9 so far for my daughter)....

It's good to talk to people who don't just give me standard parenting advice that I know won't work

Thanks

It's hard as he often ends up in town begging for money for food - it's hard to manage at a distance

But it's getting £££ & his expectations are "wagu steak & KFC daily" when the budget is more like "pound bakery"

I think I need to be able to manage his reaction to "no" better

Are there any tools to help impulsive teens understand budgeting?

My AuDHD son keeps begging money for food but spending is through the roof (at least five times his monthly allowance)

He has RSD so takes a "no" very personally....

Trying to choose a specialist school in case the tribunal awards it to Eldest

* Check the Local Offer website
* What about X?
* That's not suitable
* Then maybe Q?
* Best visit

Me: Hi Q - can we visit?
Q: not unless the LA tells us you can
Me: Dear LA please allow me to visit Q

And wait....

Last week my son attended 2 lessons

This week, with more support, he's been to three lessons already

That might seem like much for many pupils, but for my son, it's a huge achievement

Having options to turn up & only attend lessons when he's comfortable/ ready gives him agency & control

Last night it was Stroop Waffle Carnage

There had been plenty left
Youngest wanted one but Eldest was eating the last

Y was incensed / disappointed
E offered a bite of last (mime)
Y took all of it
E burst into tears
E had eaten all of them (impulse control).

Everyone was unhappy
AuDHD is hard

A teacher rang last week, offering support for my son who is struggling to attend

No-one asked him
He just realised my son was absent & wanted to help

My son already thought he was the best teacher

Just one teacher, who cares + one topic he's interested in *might* turn around school refusal

A seed-dispersal masterclass from 50 yards of hedge

Today

30min drive to school, calling school until lines opened to get through to SENCo

Near school, teen was "turn around, we're going home"

Outside school, spoke to SENCo & agreed to just one lesson

I'd like to say I was nonchalant but I was very stressed

Then back to more anxiety from Eldest.

He's very closed and won't discuss what makes him afraid

But it's the unknown
Not being able to find his way around
The noise & smells - but he won't use accommodations as they make him stand out

He wants to be invisible but he's already missed so much, we're in rock & hard place territory