Helena

At the back of your kitchen cupboard is something pickled or preserved in a jar that you were given for Christmas several years ago that you’ve never quite felt like eating.

Throw it out now.

I sometimes think of the taxi driver who, in response to a friend of mine complaining about the state of the world, sighed and said “Thing is, mate, 100 years time? All new people.” Looked at him over his shoulder. “All new people.”

Comic showing Marge Simpson and it says "beware the eyes of marge"

We all know what day it is...

Had some lovely photos from people wearing their Michael Fish weather jumpers. But the loveliest of all is this one from the man himself

PITCH: An updated version of the curse of Cassandra where she's describing things that are happening now, in front of everyone, but still isn't believed.

I don't pretend to know the science behind it, but it's beyond dispute that coffee and tea taste at least 63% better when you're drinking them from your most cherished mug.

Tweet from user '@kenzianidiot' says, "guys I'm starting to worry that 2025 is just five 2020s stacked in a trench coat".

Me, too.

Oh no everyone is circling back

Yay!!!!! 🥳

My mum made a chocolate fudge cake for my daughter’s birthday. She put all my daughter’s favourite chocolate on top. The cake dipped and the main chocolate sunk. It tasted awesome but gave us Never Ending Story flashbacks!

This is mine too 😂😂

My favourite Amazon reviews are the ones that say "just bought this, hope I like it when it arrives⭐️⭐️⭐️"

If you think about it, the very best books are really just extremely long spells that turn you into a different person for the rest of your life

Cartoon of a Dalek with a distinctive curling moustache and staring eyes. Caption: Salvador Dalek

Salvador Dalek

www.worldofmoose.com/products/sal...

I’m feeling Christmasy so I’ll give away one of my 2025 calendars here and another over on Twitter.

To win just RT and follow and I’ll pick a winner 1pm, Sunday 8th Dec

Do visit www.infinitebacon.com and support independent artists.

Good luck!

Photo featuring Englad's queen Camilla with kids and reindeer. The caption reads: Camilla decorates royal household with sick children.

Ah here, could she not just put up a tree like the rest of us.

“accidentally” 🤨

Dad jokes are my favourite type of joke. They just bring me joy.

In a carpet shop, the salesman brought out book of samples.
I said “I don’t think any of those will be big enough”.

Stoney silence.

My daughter bought a new mirror for her student house. I said “that’s a really nice mirror. I could see myself using that” I laughed and she just rolled her eyes in disgust.

Can’t stop thinking of the two Paddingtons who had to die for this victory.

You have to feel sorry for pregnant elephants. They have a ridiculously long gestation period, but nobody ever talks about the elephant in the womb.

Yay!!

Massive away win for the little fella.

I see Gregg Wallace has apologgised aggain.

🧵What to expect from the Radio Times Christmas issue, robbed of the Booker Prize every year. This year's is out on the 10th.

“I bring you fun”
“I bring you sunshine”
“I bring you love”

The Three Morecambe & Wise Men.

I couldn’t get past the scarf stuck to his body (to protect his modesty 😂) in the trailer.

Absolutely here for the Crone Wars. Brb, just firing up my broomstick