ProJared🇺🇦

Trying to explain to your 5’4 mom that throwing plates and silverware away is literally a clinically proven symptom of depression and anxiety<<<

Side note, I was professionally diagnosed when I was 15. Doctor had to leave the room after hearing my damaging story, it was so bad.

Maturing is understanding why Robin William did that to himself in what would become his last day of life. People around you, are the audience of real life, and they will laugh at all of the jokes you tell.

But, underneath the cloak, there is so much sadness. Do not let yourself ever not laugh.

Dare I say you look Dwight tonight babe💘

This just made me so f*cking emotional… digital hugs are in the mail☄️

Waking up from a dream that takes place in 2008-2016/2020-2024 in 2025 be like: oh wow! My dream is over and I have entered a nightmare!

This BlueSky is not a joke and shouldn’t be laughed at. Trump is the Bin Laden of our times. The middle class are his twin towers. We’re all f*cked.

Gen Z’s… Gen Z’s what? Gen Z’s trying to cancel Hawk Tuah? …😂😂

It’s hard being the Lena Dunham of your high school…

Fockin’ class. And this is why creative comedy partnerships are my religion. I am in love with Harmony.

And anyone who sees this this is not Pro Jared or Nikki.. move along. IYKYK, and you DON’T!!!!!!!😂😂

My name is Eric Wombat and my three closest friends are Lenny from Simpsons Barney from Simpsons and Tucker Carlson (not Simpsons). I am a San Francisco transplant of 6 months

Been getting really into Deja Vu recently

Everyone had that one childhood friend named Rudolph Beedon’t who was quiet, chill-but-profound, chopped as shit and low-key sauced at FortNite

i tell jokes for biblical figures only. if you don't get my humor, make history.

Babe could I get notes on my BlueSky set?

I’ve been holding this one off for a while in the fear of being heteronormative, but F it. Baby gotta speak.

Every young man should be using “Boy Meets World” as a sort of guiding philosophy. You (“Boy”) are gonna Meets a beautiful girl someday. And she will be your World.

Trust me. It’s magic.

My bed been on Goblin mode recently. I been puttin’ together 20 hour days between these mothafuckin’ sheets!😂😂😂because it’s so hard to just get dressed and shower

There should be a corner of the room at concerts for jacking off

There should be a corner of the room at concerts for jacking off

Cash me on BlueSky how ‘bout that! #danielle

Wrote this joke in the grass with my BlueSky friend Girl Milhouse, who goes by @girlmilhouse.bsky.social on here.

Welp, it seems as though my plan A of being a cute little caterpillar my whole life is on the fritz. Probably time I pivoted to my plan B of becoming a big beautiful butterfly.

I know, I know, it’s some total pre-Covid bullsh*t, but tell me why I’m still runnin’ some blueberry pancakes every Saturday morning? I guess I’m on my inner-child shit this year😂😂

Nah, but I’ve been hella depressed since fuckin’ lockdown. I’m just looking for love in these breakfasts.

Gonna get real for a sec: I don’t know if I’d be here without the invention of emojis. I know, it’s silly af, but let’s be real: we all have an emoji that means something special to us.

Just dream on it: you can be in a garbage can, and use “🏝️”. You can be in a terrible relationship, and use “💞”.

Going to be honest: my real first and last names is not Pro + Jared. They are Aiden and Houlette. I chose this in the chase of comic fiction. If that doesn’t work for you, I understand if you wanna block and report my ass.

If you like it however, pull up a chair, bc laughs are in short order!😂

Today has been major #poolvibes

Was going to repost FTB (for the bit) but then I remembered our last election and got sad all of a sudden

Pick any bad word. Literally any (laughing already thinking abt possible selections ie f*ck and b*tch).

Sometimes I can’t move due to the shock that every solitary stimuli imposes my wilted senses. Sometimes the sick advance this natural world makes on my bodily frontier renders me blind in fashion so final I foresee no end beyond a nightmare’s wake.

Other times, I just wanna frickin party hardy!🤣

It seems like a lot of people decided to unilaterally forgive animal cruelty today…

Some kids playing loud in the street this morning. And I do mean loud - - borderline yelling.

Listen. I’m all for children playing. I want every childhood to be trauma free and beautiful. But we live in reality. It’s 10:40 PST. Some of us have to work night shifts. Let’s be reasonable, kids.