@arahollyday.bsky.social
Former Theatre Kid // Current Silly Goose
Here’s a joke I think Norm Macdonald would have told if he was with us today:
The U.S. Defense Secretary said that returning to Ukraine’s pre-2014 borders would be unrealistic.
You know what everyone else calls Ukraine’s pre-2014 borders?
Ukraine.
Real change in America is rarely achieved through noble, dignified means.
Real change requires bucking the status quo and those who enforce it.
“An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.”
-Winston Churchill
Cindy-Lou Who seeing the mean furry creature that lives at the top of the mountain, pantsless, standing in the middle of her ransacked house at 3am, desperately trying to stuff a Christmas tree up the chimney, and her first thought was “Santa Claus”, is why I don’t want kids.
19.12.2024 00:36 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Ghost stories in 200 years:
“And he died before he could enjoy his oat milk latte, so now Aiden wanders the Starbucks inside Target, forever longing to quench his thirst.”
Saying that Bashar al-Assad “resigned” as President of Syria is like saying Louis XVI got a free haircut.
10.12.2024 01:32 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
BREAKING: Turkey pardoned by Biden allegedly attended Diddy Party (photo included)
27.11.2024 00:58 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Trump’s Treasury Secretary pick Scott Bessent, seen here just after cancelling a young single mother’s healthcare benefits to pay for more books behind him.
23.11.2024 01:05 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0I guess now that Wicked is out, I can finally say that I’m still pissed that Ariana Grande beat me out for Glinda.
22.11.2024 15:41 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 2 📌 0Today, may you have the confidence of a grackle standing in the middle of a major roadway.
21.11.2024 18:49 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0I’ve always just identified as a guy, but according to the box of mac and cheese, I’m actually a family of 8…
15.11.2024 13:21 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Trump nominating known anti-vaxxer and conspiracy theorist RFK Jr to head HHS is so crazy. That would be like if Trump nominated a congressman suspected of multiple felonies to be Attorney General…
15.11.2024 00:34 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0BREAKING: Trump has chosen the McDonalds’ Big Mac to be his Secretary of Energy.
14.11.2024 13:32 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0One of my friends wrote a wonderful and thought provoking analysis of the election, detailing the strategies that paid off, and what must be done to bridge the widening divisions in our country.
But the whole thing was in Comic Sans, so I don’t know if I can take him seriously.
They say you’re the hero of your own story.
If that’s true, my arch-nemesis is Saran Wrap*
*Based on my own experiences from 5 minutes ago. Still recovering. Not ready to talk about it.
