Cosmically Funny

The ice cream is good for the prostate cancer.

If they wear a Superman cape, it's a big red flag.

[horribly executed Australian accent]

Watch as I hit that kangaroo in the wahoo with my boomerang!

I hope I reincarnate as a sea dragon.

😂🤣😂

I couldn't work at a pizza place because I'd lose it laughing every time someone ordered a large pepperoni or a large sausage or a large mushroom.

Well, well, well, if it isn't three holes.

How lazy am I?

I just ate cold leftover bluebberry pancakes to avoid cooking.

I wish I had been born rich. I could totally have been a much bigger dick than I was already.

Me: *throwing up gang signs* Why did I eat those?

Here's Johnny!

Extra firm used to be my dick but now it's my mattress texture to keep my back from going out.

Send all of the Republicans to the moon with their nuclear reactor.

But do we really have to wait that long?

The new spin-off restaurant from The Roadkill Café called Critter Fritters.

Call me daddy and we can do a coloring book together.

No wine. It turns me into a bawler.

Shatshowed.

Triple decker bus. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

So, since they're trying to outlaw legitimate porn do they also intend to legalize child porn to protect the Republicans?

I'm just chasing tail. Like I want a bionic tail. That would be superb.

If you're a baker, the only shoes you can wear are loafers. I don't make the rules.

If it's leather, you spell it cowch.

A cremation service called Corpus Crispy.

You should probably eat the pussy before you eat the spicy chips.

If everything isn't about me, why's it called MY life?

I can tell you're blowing smoke up my ass because I farted a cloud.

There isn't going to be a 2026 election. We might as well start the secessions now.

i am fundamental. sorry i meant im fun and mental