Margot

Doug: "Both goblins are awake, how do you wanna do this?"
Me: "I'll get them both up and changed, you go down and get their breakfasts started."
D: "Sounds good."
M: "Call us the Department of Goblin Efficiency, the much better DOGE."

We drove past a house the other day who set up an incredible nativity scene in their front yard using two 12ft skeletons as Mary and Joseph and an 8ft skeleton as Baby Jesus (and a giant skeleton dog as a donkey, I assume) and I have not stopped thinking about it. 💀

Can confirm.

If you think Chappell Roan's unstoppable hit "HOT TO GO!" is already a banger, you should hear it played on a kazoo by a 3-year-old. Total game changer.

One thing I love about being a witch is that I have a legitimate reason to NOT do the Elf on the Shelf bullshit with my kids: we do not bargain with the Fae, and we do not invite them into our house.

I ain't a Grinch though; we make our own Yuletide Magick here. 🧙‍♀️

New insult: "They seem like the type of person who would watch the Bluey episode 'Sleepytime' and feel nothing."

Sitting here literally hugging my coffee mug after doing my entire morning/early afternoon running on fumes. Hello dark roast, my old friend.

The juxtaposition of sitting in a pediatric dentist office that's giving all the vibes of a Chuck E Cheese, and their radio is playing "Brain Stew by Green Day? Weird flex but ok

Note to self: saying "my hammy did a whammy" in reference to charley horse-ing your hamstring is not the clever flex you think it is... Unless 90's Cartoon Mom is the vibe you're going for... Which it kinda is? Ok we're good here.

Remember Kids: You Can't Eat Bullets! 🌠

UPDATE: I succeeded in both endeavors and got GREAT seats at that. Best to make bad financial decisions now while they're still relatively cheap to do so. 😶

Elder Emo Culture is precariously balancing a wiggly toddler on your lap while you have two Ticketmaster accounts waiting in the queue to score My Chemical Romance tickets and wondering if you can get him down to nap before either gets to the front of the line. 😅

I should've quit Metaverse a long time ago but now is about as good a time as ever. 🤷‍♀️

Tbh I'll still probably use Facebook for the Buy Nothing groups cuz I'm a sucker for a curb alert... But nothing sensitive there.

Let the shitposting commence.

Very few things hit quite the same as the first time you sleep on your back postpartum. 🥴

I swear, there's less marshmallows in Monster Cereals these days than when I was a kid. -_-

Cat toys and baby toys are completely interchangeable.

Perfect Camouflage 🖤

Fatphobes making backhanded Ozempic comments on plus-size celebrities' selfies... 🤦🏼‍♀️

My cat and my toddler both hate when my hair is tied back and will furiously paw at it until I let it down.

Jeff Rosenstock is the most wholesome human in punk rock.

So I never used Twitter, I never used Hive, let's see if I use this.