urchin shit

[if Chuck Schumer replaced Liam Neeson in Taken]

CHUCK SCHUMER: [on phone] I don’t know who you are or what you want, but I will find you and I will help you kill my daughter

Hope you're all taking care of yourselves today! Remember to breathe erratically, never drink water, tense all your muscles really hard and stare directly at the sun until you see mythical creatures

Chiropractic practice is like "What if physical therapy was louder and also deadly?"

god it must be so easy to be a Dem consultant, just sitting around making $250k a year to say things like "actually voters don't want healthcare, they want you to go to gun shows and start using the word orientals again"

god (when the people he created and gave free will to eat from the tree of knowledge he created and put near where those people live, which they were told to do by a serpent he also created for the purpose of telling them to do that): oh what the FUCK. if i had a son right now he'd be fucking DEAD

I remember bits of this movie! It sort of lives in my memory as a weird fever dream. Why is Canoe from That Darn Cat all sudsed up and fleeing?!

i think "an effective altruist is personally denying twenty million people their HIV medications despite a court order telling him to send the money" is a pretty good summary of effective altruism as a real world philosophy

A Victorian valentines day card featuring a sardine and a leek hugging so it's a fish and a vegetable happy Valentine's day and it says to my Valentine

this is so beautiful

Her job is to remove homeless people from SF's parks. Her methods are extraordinary Instead of forcing people out of Golden Gate Park, ranger Amanda Barrows helps them find housing.

This is the best piece of journalism I’ve read in a very long time:

Her job is to remove homeless people from SF’s parks. Her methods are extraordinary sfstandard.com/2025/02/08/g...

i’m not a math guy but it seems like they could’ve paid the rent for 100 apartments for close to a decade for the same price and with none of the atrocities, civil rights violations, etc.

what if we replaced the government witj a small cat that is sleepy

My god, it's beautiful

Twitter ad for VitalRoute showing some weird fruit split in half. Text says The Lump Of Worms Will Come Out Of You In The Morning. Try It

Try It

no no i did NOT ghost you

i just forgot to write back for a week and a half and at that point it was too embarrassing to admit i had forgot and so was just easier to ignore

in general, I feel freed by the current moment. like I don't gotta keep up the stupid goddamn affect of The High Road. just. Treat your enemies like shit, I assure you that they are being paid to try and get you into a concentration camp

timeline cleanse

I sincerely don’t know why people aren’t physically stopping those dorks. Move shit. Lock doors. Lose the keys. Everyone switch seats. Turn off all the lights. Switch the signs on the elevator lobby. Make the settings all silly. Use a different language. Wear costumes. Fill rooms with balloons

tired: do not comply in advance

wired: fuck you, make me

Every time I remember Stephen Miller designed this rush of orders to burn me out specifically I get a new burst of energy from the spite alone. The very thought of my exhaustion giving him an ounce of joy makes me want to burst through walls

I have a certain je ne sais blah.

News card e/ a picture of a unicorn tube thing floating in water. Headline: DeepSeek could be an extinction-level event for venture capital firms

Busted so hard I think I died 😵

no one:

no one at all:

absolutely no one:

not a single person:

nobody ever:

me [in my most Ursula voice]: BODY LANGUAAGGGEEEE

Heartwarming:

i would never journal my dreams, what happens when i’m asleep is none of my goddamned business

I don't know what the correct amount of attention to pay to the horrors is

I've built a machine that can be Confidently Wrong. It can also make pictures that all look a bit the same, as well as make a video of you kissing any celebrity or person you know. In payment, I'd like to boil the world's oceans dry, & steal all literature. For some reason, my head is not on a spike

And ye maye aske yowerself, 'How do Ich werke thys?'
And ye maye aske yowerself, 'Wher ys that large destrier?'
And ye maye tell yowerself, 'Thys nys nat my fayre castel!'
And ye maye tell yowerself, 'Thys nys nat my swift goshawk!'

There's a common fallacy dipshits do, where you tell them someone did something illegal to you, and they go "but that's illegal. You should..."

As if you *have not already been harmed*, as if it's an abstract, bloodlessly theoretical case study in legal recourse.

remembering fondly how richard spencer got punched once in the face really hard, started crying, and fucked off forever