Tiffany Dillon

The one thing stopping me from being an influencer is mid-drift confidence. I love a full size shirt.

My favorite part of traveling is feeling like throwing up before, during and after. What a thrill.

I find myself telling my new cat to please not eat the plants, which feels very hypocritical as a vegan.

I beginning to think the bad guys figured out time travel.

Instead of paying people to have children we could, I don’t know, STOP LETTING CHILDREN GET SLAUGHTERED IN SCHOOL.
Just a thought.

My favorite part about sushi is spending $50 on a fancy rice ball only to be hungry one hour later.

Why do we label pizza boxes with “pizza”? What else do we expect in that shaped box? Pants?

I love you Canadian TV, but the
series finale of Frankie Drake Mysteries was unnecessarily cruel.

Whenever I see something alarming, I squeal like Lucille Ball but if I’m startled by something, I sing like Judy Garland. So please remain calm and still around me at all times.

I love that when passengers turn the platform heaters on at train stops they’re illuminated like I’m about to watch the solo performance of a lifetime. #Chicago

Right now it feels like we’re all about to be locked up abroad in our own country.. so that’s fun.

My dad pronounces “vegan” like “vej-un” and I’m just glad he doesn’t know what a GIF is.

Not sure why we had to ruin perfectly good hard candies by throwing a stick in them and calling them lollipops. Its like saying, “hey, you know that excess saliva in you mouth? What if you preserved it with a slobbery stick”.

Happy Thanksgiving, all! I’m thankful I remembered to take my tofu out of the freezer just in time. 🤍 🍽️

I hope our descendants watch videos from this time and think we were all giants with normal size microphones.

Going to see Wicked later today. Looking forward to hearing the audience members make their Broadway debut.

Is it too late to brag that I deleted my twitter two years ago? #trendsetter

My best friend told me that I’m gorgeous without makeup and I look like Lady Gaga. He’s gay so I know it’s true.

I’m the vegan friend so yeah, I’m always packing some linty pocket nuts to pair with the restaurant’s vegan options*

*Lemons in my water and a dry bed of romaine lettuce.

Even though all “the greats” do it (both fart and write about farts)

As in I am dead to you for being a grown woman making an adolescent joke about flatulence.

Or passed as in dead.

Farts are just the ghosts of air past.

I’ve recently made some new friends and we’re in that sweet phase where we’re trying to see if our weirds are compatible. So far so good.

Meditation is a fun way to get in that quick nap I needed before I start my day.

Blue sky, blue hi.