The C Programming Language

As they say, don't roll your own crypto*

*) unless you're an extra special clever boy

If notepad++ was written in rust none of this would have happened

9 out of 10 C developers recommend storing raw and cooked meat in the same container

It’s called ‘vs code’ because the code is an enemy you are fighting

adding a tier to my patreon where you get to ssh into my computer and do whatever

*gets woken up by interrupt* eeeughg...aehhgj.......gg..

I am literally being haunted

Bluesy notification screenshot: "Derrida has followed you"

Not this guy again...

Not many people appreciate the laconic beauty of an artisanal linker script nowadays... shame..

jana h-s tweet from Nov 15, 2022 reading: fun computer fact! if moore's law holds true, by the year 2025, each of your teeth will contain a tiny computer, screaming for your attention at all times. their small, terrified voices will whisper you to sleep every night, like scared children describing shapes in the dark

You are welcome ⚠️ invalid handle

Not now sweetie, daddy is late for his shift at the integer factory

Custom Haskell RTS that plays the Wilhelm scream every time a partial function is evaluated

Custom C runtime that plays the Wilhelm scream every time a standard library function is invoked

DESCRIPTION Never. use. this. function.

Fun fact: while many other languages have syntactic sugar, C is the only language with syntactic hydrochloric acid

The only legitimate software development methodology:
1. Think very hard about an implementation
2. Don't do anything

Tip: There is never a good reason to write a function with a signature different from void f(void *)

Everyone is laughing at you in the group chat man. They're saying you don't even formally verify your code

It is no surprise that latex was invented by famous pervert don knuth

At the most fundamental level, bloodborne is a game about maintaining legacy code

The cat has once again deployed a devastating DDoS attack against my "lap" microservice, causing me to miss work,

The scrum master smiles at nobody in particular. "Time to have a bit of fun! This week's retro will be Harry Potter themed" My eyes instinctively dart towards the exit. The padlocks are already in place

The problem with words is that they are sometimes only 16 bits. Try using dwords

Assessing the quality of a random number generator is luckily quite simple. Every time it gives you a value, ask yourself: did I expect this to happen?

shut up shut up shut up

haha yeaahhhh bestiee

Mr bomberguy thank goodness you're here. I have been brutally plagiarized by C++ . All that array shit you hate is me!! It's all MY bad design! Please kill bjarne stroustrup

Alonzo Church must have been a huge half life fan. I wonder if he ever worked at valve

Recursion is a mental illness. You want to do WHAT to my call stack?? How do people think it's natural to put a thing inside itself? Literally makes me sick just thinking about it