axolotl "Wound Licker" lovely / fka frog k ⚧️🏴‍☠️

What is this goof ass doing?

sweat on t slowly bleaches cloth too watch out for that

i'm on it like beckham. Straight bending my shit

vtuber is what i call it when my girl puts some russets in her pussy for me

A drawing of ET waving at us on the cardboard packaging for a 1980s product called "E.T. Punch Balls" As this is a repost of a Feb 2023 tweet of mine, found here https://x.com/DemonTomatoDave/status/1623464715077795840?s=19 , I have taken this photo from the No Context E.T. account who posted it there, and who originally I retweeted.

Never became as popular as "ET Phone Home" did it

hip to be square or friday

The heady brew of cultural images that lead us to this point is obvious. Bob Odenkirk, as a father to them all, wept at the beauty of cinnabons that he could not eat - until a heroic turn to petty crime redeemed him. Now banditti ravage our nation, mouths stuffed full of charleston chews, flossing

GEN Z: once a week i go down to the river and beat my hair with rocks
NEWSPAPER COLUMNIST: are Gen Z spending too much on woke hair treatments?

tiktok hardened zoomers are constantly assailing god-fearing americans with improvised explosives & roadside ambushes, just to secure their treats. Merest rumor that you're holding a goody almost guarantees one of the 18-25 set will explode your torso and do a fortnite dance over your real-life gibs

gen z are huge treatlers tho. one of them shot me in the stomach so they could take a half-eaten croissant out of my hand. Another literally boiled me in sulfuric acid until I completely disintegrated just because it meant my lunch in the office fridge was now fair game

another generation tragically defeated in our national struggle against Big Avocado Toast

if snakes looked like furbies we would have known this long ago

this is blood libel gutter racism of the kind that you only encounter if you or your staff are spending a lot of time in online spaces that are avowedly white supremacist

yeah honestly despite loving a good state conspiracy i think a lot of the ones that don't grind axes trump still has to grind can be discarded at this point. probably oswald acted alone too, not something i would have been as firm on in 2015

WHY I AM A FATALITY 1 I know my destiny. There will come a day when my name will recall the memory of something formidable—a crisis the like of which has never been known on earth, the memory of the most profound clash of consciences, and the passing of a sentence upon all that which theretofore had been believed, exacted, and hallowed. I am not a man, I am dynamite. And with it all there is nought of the founder of a religion in me. Religions are matters for the mob; after coming in contact with a religious man, I always feel that I must wash my hands.... I require no "believers," it is my opinion that I am too full of malice to believe even in myself; I never address myself to masses. I am horribly frightened that one day I shall be pronounced "holy." You will understand why I publish this book beforehand—it is to prevent people from wronging me. I refuse to be a saint; I would rather be a clown. Maybe I am a clown. And I am notwithstanding, or rather not notwithstanding, the mouthpiece of truth; for nothing more blown-out with falsehood has ever existed, than a saint. But my truth is terrible: for hitherto lies have been called truth. The Transvaluation of all Values, this is my formula for mankind's greatest step towards coming to its[Pg 132] senses—a step which in me became flesh and genius. My destiny ordained that I should be the first decent human being, and that I should feel myself opposed to the falsehood of millenniums. I was the first to discover truth, and for the simple reason that I was the first who became conscious of falsehood as falsehood—that is to say, I smelt it as such. My genius resides in my nostrils. I contradict as no one has contradicted hitherto, and am nevertheless the reverse of a negative spirit. I am the harbinger of joy, the like of which has never existed before; I have discovered tasks of such lofty greatness that, until my time, no one had any idea of such things. Mankind can begin to have fresh hopes, only now that I have live…

ecce homo is one of my favourite of nietzsche's books because the axioms can be easily imagined as tumblr posts. this one is straight up "i am a girlboss - am a war criminal i am a lunatic I am clinically insane & the next virgin mary & am never going to die"

labelling hatsune miku binder thomas jefferson "?????" is the best joke i could have made with that one. it's also definitely where it should be in this chart

I’d kill the goose no matter what kind of metal its eggs were made out of. I’m in it for the love of the game

the two mitteleuropa guys who are most consistently misunderstood, honestly, are respectively kafka (bangs like a screen door, laughs almost unbearably at his own jokes including harrowing shit no one would see as a joke besides him) and nietzsche (would have 'soyboy' in his bio in 2025)

sorry sometimes you see the government put clothes on a statue's titties at a formative age as if that was something any human being ever needed and your psyche never entirely recovers

i'm louche and promiscuous. easy but not pushy is my ideal

i think anyone who has an irrecoverable psychic breakdown after witnessing a man beating a horse nearly to death for no reason and trying to stop him has at least a bit of value in them as a soul on the earth

[warning fanfare] some HATERS approach from the EAST on HORSEBACK

[pan flute] you have exchanged 3 Reddit Gold for 5 Wheat

also the sogdian lapel whips ngl

jesus christ

I get knocked down and then I post again

genuine us state conspiracies tend to also involve nearly unanimous support among the political class. judging from the war on drugs & the CIA's footprint in the crack epidemic, i think if NASA faked Apollo 11 you couldn't walk down a city street without hitting a space camp

if the moon landing was faked, do you think for a single fucking second that neither donald trump nor elon musk would have trotted out documents about it as part of a dick-waving contest with someone whose twitter username ended in a string of numbers

the more people have to keep a secret, the less plausible it is that none of them will say the quiet part out loud, either accidentally out of stupidity or intentionally to fuck over a rival for scarce resources and institutional prestige