Oy

I’m emotionally stable but in a Jenga tower kind of way

“you’re so funny!” thanks, its because i’m filled with existential dread

for someone with a dry phone i’m on it way too much

Im tired of being the change I want to see. I want to be the billionaire

Wish I could take a nap when I’m already asleep. Just double up somehow

Doctor, it hurts when I do this *be a normal human being*

i need things but i can’t ask for them directly or i feel guilty

Bank: your account balance is low

Me: i appreciate you for being one of the real ones who routinely checks in on me

Anime protagonist that looks like a child be like:

it’s a beautiful day to not be pregnant

trust issues so bad that i don't even trust that i have trust issues

Shout out to vices. Vices gotta be a top 10 thing to indulge in

Long story short, a happy meal these days is any meal that doesn't give you heartburn.

I wish the FB Marketplace algo could tell the difference between when I click on posts out of genuine interest vs perplexed horror.

if you’re in love with me you should tell me, because you have no competition

O ye of little faith. No faith is better.

lumbar support? only in the books i read while hunched over like a slug

For someone stuck in fight or flight mode for several years, I do a lot of lying around

Sure, I've had dreams. They're dead now but...whatever.

Brushing the back of my tongue with my toothbrush until I choke just to feel something.

"There is strength in numbers" I remind myself as I dig into my third sleeve of Oreos.

Does anyone know a way to get really physically attractive without diet and exercise?

Just got my steps in by avoiding someone I know at the grocery store.

My husband and I are finally working towards the same goal, death.

My favorite mythical creature is someone who understands me.

stop normalizing things I don’t want to be normal

“I’ve still got it,” I confidently say to myself after having another panic attack

I'm only weird when I'm awake. And asleep.

You don't have demons. You're just unlikeable.