Audrey Burges

How Our Pants Fit To determine whether your body will fit our pants, please use this sizing guide. Our pants are measured in cubits. The cubit is a unit of measureme...

In my latest for @mcsweeneys.net, I declare myself a fashion influencer by never wearing pants ever again. www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/how...

I’m so happy you enjoyed it!

The Minuscule Mansion of Myra Malone by Audrey Burges: 9780593546475 | PenguinRandomHouse.com: Books A woman learns to expand the boundaries of her small world and let love inside it in this sparkling and unforgettable novel by Audrey Burges. From her attic in the Arizona mountains, thirty-four-yea...

Happy second birthday to my firstborn book, The Minuscule Mansion of Myra Malone. I’m still so very proud of you. www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/708472...

❤️❤️❤️

Every cup of coffee is a new opportunity to learn that I actually have no idea where my own mouth is.

This resonates with me so, so very much. I laughed so hard at “he could never fully consume the amount of Train his brain wanted and that made a small part of him burn with rage.” And the sudden disappearance of those things is why I always weep at things like Inside Out. And lots of other things.

Trains and New Beginnings an essay by Lucy Huber

The Pomegranate launched last week with an inaugural essay from @clhubes.bsky.social. Enjoy her poignant piece and then subscribe so you don't miss what comes next!
www.the-pom.com/p/trains-and...

Is the Wallpaper I’m Hanging Really Stuck On Yet? A Home Improvement Guide

Step One: No, it fucking isn’t

We’re about 14 deep right now

For NYE, Should Old Acquaintance suggest anything other than jammies by 8:30, sipping a festive beverage of your choice, prior to a reasonable bedtime in your own bed…

…they should definitely Be Forgot and Never Brought to Mind.

Good news guys, I bought a new journal so everything’s all fixed now

I Went to Costco the Sunday Before Christmas

And All I Got was these Lousy Heart Palpitations

No one so hungry as the kid who loudly insisted, repeatedly, when asked, that they were not hungry - before arriving in a place where getting food is difficult.

Look, you can either moisturize your face, or you can see through your glasses. You can’t do both. I don’t make the rules.

It’s so awesome! They just moved to a big new space.

If only!!

Look at this tote bag I made from real fabric on an actual sewing machine! I am likely to tote things VERY CONSPICUOUSLY in an effort to get people to ask me where I got my tote bag. (The fabric was scrap from ScrapRVA, which is a wonderland.)

POV: it’s cold but your hands aren’t because your mom knits a mean pair of fingerless gloves

POV: it’s cold but your hands aren’t because your mom knits a mean pair of fingerless gloves

Anyone who doesn’t believe in multiverses or time travel has never met a mom coordinating schedules in December.

❤️❤️

!!! This is awesome!!!

So glad you enjoyed. Keep an eye on Dross.

Me too!

Thanks! Go tell her she’s amazing

Gonna start a company called “Ugh, PANTS” for people who can never find pants that fit right. These won’t fit right either, but at least you’ll know we hate it too.

Introducing the First-Ever Smart Thermostat for Perimenopausal People Just like you, this groundbreaking thermostat rewrites the laws of thermodynamics to be hot and cold simultaneously. It can instantly cool any spac...

Hard to think of a better birthday gift than landing my 25th piece in @mcsweeneys.net (other than landing a successful Kickstarter to actually develop this thermostat). www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/int...

Introducing the First-Ever Smart Thermostat for Perimenopausal People Just like you, this groundbreaking thermostat rewrites the laws of thermodynamics to be hot and cold simultaneously. It can instantly cool any spac...

"Just like you, this groundbreaking thermostat rewrites the laws of thermodynamics to be hot and cold simultaneously. It can instantly cool any space to 28 degrees Fahrenheit while simultaneously warming it to 114."

Thank you! ❤️

On the 9th day of Advent, McSweeney's gave to me…my own little Nutcracker piece in a tiny book! Since today is, coincidentally, my birthday, this was a delightful surprise. If you don’t have the calendar, you can still read the piece here: www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/her...

@mcsweeneys.net