Matthew Balliro, PhD

I had a dream last night that Rafaela was good and that made the entire Red Sox season. It’s the first day of spring training and I’m having stress dreams.

It’s impossible for these dipshits to have fun. Everything they do has to be a performance in capitulation to a broke-down conformist ideology that makes them feel superior; it’s hollow and narcissistic at the core. Get a life. Leave those kids alone.

These losers never got into a bar using a Hulk Hogan trading card as a fake ID to drink watered-down beer waiting for Get Low to play b/c that’s when everyone freaked out and it shows. It’s ok to be stupid when you are young, even if *gasp* the music you listen to is in Spanish.

I only watched the halftime show now and, holy shit, the people who are scared of this are pathetic. I thought we would be the first generation to break the cycle or “Kids these days and their devil music!” but apparently it’s hard-wired into these numbskulls. The PMRC is back from the dead.

It’s happening bsky.app/profile/reds...

A wide shot of JetBlue Park taken from the right field seats with the sun rising over the ballpark.

Good morning and welcome to baseball season.

RIP Captain Ahab, you would’ve loved Balatro

I require videos of Garrett Crochet stretching on my timeline by 9am tomorrow

Me if I have to sit through another commercial for AI during this game

The drone angles really are something else

I was stuck next to the president of my college in one of these configurations once, it’s awkward when you bump asses with the guy who cashes your tuition checks

Yeah somehow I didn’t see this one coming at all, I may have seen a map that said 1-2 inches and now I got an alert that we’re going to have 0% visibility for the next two hours lol

As a boring white man in my 40s, I find it horrifying that I’m in the middle of the demographic that thinks a song being in Spanish during the Super Bowl halftime show signifies the end of civilization. These morons will get suckered into anything. It’s like we didn’t grow up in the same world.

I have to imagine the free subscription with T-Mobile will be gone this year, it was fun while it lasted

A traveler from an antique land--great guy--said to me with tears in his eyes "Sir, two vast and trunkless legs of stone stand in the desert." And I said wow, that's really something. But we'll be building a big beautiful statue to my hubris and it will stand for eternity

You could drive at IKF’s wRC+ and never get pulled over

patient : doctor i am depressed .
doctor : solution is simple , watch the muppet show special with sabrina carpenter
patient : ohh good idea !! i actually perform as a clown named pagliacci so im big into comedy

The are literally called the Inner Circle

The Venn diagram between these guys and the Christmas Adventures Club is a circle

On cue, here’s a couple of guys singing Doo-wop and Motown songs

Phil is in the Epstein files

“Yes, we are a secretive cabal of men who hold forbidden knowledge that we’ll leak out one day a year to the huddled masses”

Groundhog Day (the actual day, not the movie) is extremely Boomer-coded, I don’t think I need to explain myself here

Almost said earlier that it could be a salary dump attached to a prospect

MLB version of “Do you have Prince Albert in a can?”

I’ve lived here since the summer of 2015 and we’ve never had the giant mounds of snow at either side of the end of the driveway like we had with this storm, really does feel like a throwback

They’re going to induct Eli on the first ballot for the lulz