@erikgerm.bsky.social
trying very hard to be hilarious. read my stuff on Cracked.com. hear my stuff on Ranker’s Weird History YouTube Channel. otherwise, i'm helping run http://planetscum.live
Objects in mirror are one step closer to the edge AND THE’RE ABOUT TA BREAK
13.02.2026 16:12 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0I tried to write a ska song called “Put It Down” and I got roundhouse kicked across the face in a skank pit
05.02.2026 16:57 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 1“Watch…this is how the PROS do it”
*cries loudly into my hands*
One of the greats at Cracked, says this casual observer.
03.02.2026 00:18 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0“you know who’s NOT in the Epstein files?”
no, and frankly I don’t give a spinning, grinning fuck about that. enough people are in it who are still alive and not behind bars
a vampire who can’t eat Sun Chips
01.02.2026 03:16 — 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0when the authenticator app numbers turn red and start flashing, my blood pressure shoots so high I nearly pass out from the rush
30.01.2026 14:51 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0you wouldn’t believe the sneeze I just snoze
26.01.2026 05:10 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0I was scratching inside my nostril if you even care. not picking my nose. but of course you would never believe my intentions were pure and my heart is true.
06.01.2026 05:27 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0do not cite the deep memes to me, witch. I was there when the media was still trying to decide how “memes” was pronounced.
03.01.2026 14:43 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
the “hot water bottle” was named by someone who had never before seen a bottle
02.01.2026 18:37 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 1
I took out this secondhand Sounds Spectacular record and inside was this old Betsey Clark drawing that looks to have been taped to some kid’s wall in the 70s
01.01.2026 18:15 — 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
New Year.
New Me.
New Muh.
New Muh. Yay.
Numa Numa Yay.
Numa Numa Numa Yay.
Chipul tău și dragostea din tei
my 9yo caught a typo in the NORAD Santa Tracker. ‘Inida’ instead of India
24.12.2025 16:42 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0my favorite part of Muppet Christmas Carol is when Scrooge knows full well which tombstone the ghost is pointing but tries to prolong the inevitable for one more second by pointing to a different one
24.12.2025 04:49 — 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
enjoy this relic of me and @erikgerm.bsky.social at the Pokémon Black White Tour circa 2010
24.12.2025 02:50 — 👍 5 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0no actually I asked for coal. so i’m super psyched. these are tears of joy. christmas joy so shut the fuck up
21.12.2025 04:16 — 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0sorry, buddy. confidently incorrect is the only confidence I got
20.12.2025 14:32 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
my favorite exchange in Home Alone
19.12.2025 05:04 — 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0i’d have told Ebeneezer Scrooge to fuck off, I can tell you that much
11.12.2025 16:34 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
fuck jeremy renner I don’t even use this app anymore
08.12.2025 21:34 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Billy Idol (grabbing a bag of Smartfood popcorn): it’s a nice day for a White Chedding
08.12.2025 17:06 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Dr. Evil’s complaint that his dad “would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark” just sounds like me every day when i’m messing with my kids. Earlier, I told them I used to be in the Paw Patrol.
06.12.2025 01:42 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0watching the 2017 Oscar’s La La Land/Moonlight fiasco just to feel something
05.12.2025 02:14 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0sucker things
28.11.2025 03:02 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0ok I’ll bite. what is a Stranger Things?
27.11.2025 04:40 — 👍 4 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0“stupid idiot” is the perfect insult. not only are you stupid but you’re a fuckin idiot to boot.
unmatched.
I want to trip and fall down the Jennifer Hudson tunnel and just not get up
21.11.2025 04:39 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0woah-oh here she comes
WATCH OUT BOY! SHE’LL CHEW YOUR BUGS
woah-oh here she comes
SHE’S AN ANTEATER
i’m writing a prequel the song “Santa, Baby”
it’s called “Baby Santa”
